Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Yeah....that's right! I be busy!

And lazy too! I've been on the run all weekend spending all kinds of money I do not have. Typical idiot on payday, right? I think I have $0.96 in my account.

Why do we fall? I mean, not metaphorically and shit, I mean for real for real. Why do we fall? Sure, we all trip on things and loose our balance, but isn't there an age where your ass just STOPS being clumsy?
Evidently not. I have a friend who busted her ass in the worst way. She was mad as shit at first (I guess through embarrassment) and later everyone was laughing about her ass being sprawled out on the sidewalk of Hell's Kitchen. Hehhehehe
Here are some of my most favorite fall stories:

Glueman has a great government job. He has a surprising amount of perks given he works for the government. He is very proud of his accomplishments and was especially proud when he first got started. He got the opportunity to wear the crisp suits, the nice cell phone, etc. One post-icestorm day he was getting out of his government issue car in one of the worst neighborhoods in B-more. Where he was going, I don't know. Maybe to one of the Korean owned Lake Trout joints in the area (which is a blog entry in of itself). He got out of the car, adjusted the collar of his black wool trench, locked the door, took a step, then.....

"Woa!!!"

Flat on his flat ass. You see, he was so busy trying to act like he was on New York Undercover, he busted his ass on ice coated cement. He wasn't hurt, only his pride.


A woman I used to date was telling me about her experience when she was a teenager. She and her girls were going out. She was upstairs and talking shit to one of her girls downstairs. "Bitch, you must trippin'! You...."
And down the stairs she tumbled. One high heel went one way, the other went another. Her cute little "I'm almost a woman" outfit twisted up her back as she rolled, tumbled and "ugh"-ed down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, she could just moan and look up to find everyone in the house huddled around her in awe and with stupid looks on their faces. After the obligatory 30 second wait to see if she was ok, everyone commenced to tear jerking laughter.


And of course, MY fall story. I was going to the gym in the dead of winter. Early in the morning, snow on the ground from a recent storm. I was anted up, had the Under Armour rocking, basketball shorts, silky hair tie for the dreds everything matching; I not only felt good, but I looked good too. I walked out of the house; it couldn't have been more than 35 degrees outside. I was carrying my work clothes over my shoulder carefully to the car. I baby stepped down the slight incline of the frontyard to the driveway with little effort. Placed the clothes in the back seat, no problem. On the second trip, this time I had my gym bag in my hand. Same effort to get down the incline, but.......

...somehow or another I lost my footing and fell hard to the ground. My fall was acompanied by a "Ugh!" a la Charlie Brown. The worst part was I fell so hard that I ended up sliding UNDER the car. And even worse than that, I slid trying to get up. All the cool points gone for the day. Couldn't even get my swole on good because I hurt my damn arm.

To stay on that subject, why is it that as you get older, you end up hurting yourself worse trying NOT to fall? I mean, there have been so many times where I trip, and it would be so much easier to fall and take it then to try and catch something to hold my big ass up or pull a muscle trying to do twists and turn mid-air that I haven't been able to do since 3rd grade. That leads me to my next point: Why is it that when we fall we have a tendency to yell something? And why is it that that something gets more religious as we get older? Think about it for a second.

Thought about it? Ok, I'll demonstrate on Glueman since we grew up together:

Glueman @ 7 falling**no noise**
Glueman @ 12 falling: Whoa!
Glueman @ 22 falling:Oh shit....
Glueman @ 32 falling:Whoa..whoa....WHOA!!!
Glueman @ 40 falling:Uh oh....oh God...
Glueman @ 58 falling:Oh Lawd He'p me Jesus!

Strange is life....life is strange.

1 comment:

WebmasterMama said...

I am a total klutz... I may not fall but I run into things, bump things, get bruised, etc. Hubby laughs at me constantly. Unfortunately, I believe my daughter has gotten it too. It is a matter of being aware of one's surroundings I think.