Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I'm Stuck On Random Again

Thanks for y'all input for the trip. I've already booked it and all, but I ain't sayin' where I'm going because I know I will be inundated with the "huh?" factor. I really, really wanted that quiet factor. Kinda stupid though....more expensive than the typical places.

I emailed my "Are you really gay?" cousin yesterday. She told me in her email that gay people were crazy based on something retarded one of her friends. I agreed, but proceeded to break it down why. I wonder is she pissed?

Last night was great. I spent the evening with my mom for a change. I treated her to sushi. It was even more fun since she is a sushi rookie. That wasabi was tearing her ass up! TOO damn funny!
Then we get to conversing about birthdays (her's was a couple weeks ago)
MyCrazyAssMama: I think my most memorable birthday was the 21st.

Me: Oh? Why you say that?
MyCrazyAssMama: Boy....I remember that shit. We went to this bar in East Baltimore. Called SomeKindaHole. Anyway, I asked for a Singapore Swing and my friends were like 'Naw, naw. We got the drink for you. We gonna get you a ...something. I forget.
Anyway, I'm drinking my drink, smoking my cigarette, feeling like I'm real grown, you know? Then this brother asked me to dance. I said sure. As soon as I got up, My ass was on the floor. They laughed there asses off for the rest of the night.
Me: **laughing** I would be too. 21st birthday was memorable too. I ran into my boy Steve from high school in the Giant Super Market parking lot. He was a year older than me and I told him I needed some ideas for my 21st. He said he had a great one and to meet him there Saturday night. Well, I meet his ass there and he drives me to outside of Georgetown to this spot called George's. A strip club. When we were walking in, the bouncer looked at my id and said 'damn, you barely made, huh?"
MyCrazyAssMama: **laughing**

Which leads me to a another topic. Strip clubs. Some of you women HATE the fact that your man goes to strip clubs occassionally. Here is how this activity benefits you:

1.) That's at least 2 hours of him not slouching around the house getting in your way.
2.) You KNOW he's gonna want some when he gets home. You are GARAUNTEED to get laid.
3.) You don't have to slide up and down a pole or make your ass cheeks clap; the strip club provides that public service.
4.) What's a few ones' among the community? Share the love!

Why last night at the lounge this kat tripped....going up a RAMP! What type shit is that?? I guess it got progressively worse because he tripped more as he went up until he fell against me. L.O.S.E.R.

I am trying to get onto the fast track to loose weight. I went and got a jump rope as supplemental excercise. Why come I start jumping rope and humming:
Una dulci-eta
I said a east
a west....
**shit. I fucked up the rope. Start over**
Una dulci-eta
I said a east...
**shit. Start over.**
Una dulci-eta
I said a east
a west
I met my girlfriend at....
**shit. start over**
Man. After 5 minutes of that shit, Me, the jump rope and dulci-eta rolled the hell out. I dont know what was more excercise, jumping rope or trying to jump rope. for pics, there will be no pics until I get the Abs of Atonement. No real abs, but just good enough to show off. maybe a 2 pack. I've never had a 6 pack. Ever in life.
I met my girlfriend at the

Monday, May 23, 2005

The Dark Side

...Or rather, the Bright and Tight with Pastels Side. I did a self-analysis on myself and I for real have some gay tendencies. Here's the list.

1.) When I workout, I like for my clothes (and accessories) to match.

2.) I pull my dreds out of my face with my fingers, not my hands.

3.) I have a tendency to say "eww" when something grosses me out

4.) I know suit, hat, and mens clothing etiquitte.

5.) I have more female friends than male friends.

6.) I know how pick out a pair of shoes. Male or female. Proof: my wife hasn't bought her own shoes in about 8 years.

Oh man. Seems as if I have blogger's block. I can't get my head str8 to blog. I would write an entry about the happy hour I went to on Friday, but I was too blasted to remember what I was laughing at.

I started my workout regime Thursday. I've been running everyday in the morning. Tomorrow I shall be lifting them good weights so I can be the beefcake special. I'm planning on going out of town this weekend to do absolutely nothing. No wife, no kid, no cell phone. Just me and a trife ass book and maybe some cable tv. I really look forward to it, but I don't know where to go. I'm look for some place that's a nice short plane because I ain't doing the sitting on the highway thang. Fuck that. Ain't like I'm going any place too too impressive. **sigh** I don't know.

I think I hear the Lounge calling me. I need to call WhatAboutMe and see when she can hang out with me.

Damn, this post sucks. I'm going to try this again when I got something interesting for y'all.

I'm out.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

From The Dome

This rap is to the beat of a Kanye West song called "Luv You Better" Feat. G-Unit. I had that beat in my head and as soon as my fingers hit the keys I started typing this.

Sidewalk slingin'
brothas get to grinnin'
make no mistake, this girl is st8 winnin'
she tried bless me with smile that goes on
switchin' that ass with the Louis Vuitton
She had it decked out
pinks and reds
with her lips just shining like Eva Mendes
"Excuse me ma, can I roll wit you?
make it hot in the spot and have a drink or 2
let you vibe wit me you can drive wit me
get the old school cd, you can jive wit me"
(singing)"Splendid. I wif (with) it
but you gotta tell me how much you spending
you smooth and
you precious
but I gotta say your gear ain't the freshest
you got some pretty eyes
you got a nice smile
I even feel them dreds how they looking wild.
But I'm dime piece
and if you was a bit taller
I would holla but I see you aint no real baller."
Damn...choppin' my shit
she got me pondering, thinking that I wasnt legit.
but I ain't sweat dat
I just went back
to her crib and steadily tapped dat
and when she started with dat benjamin crap
I just wiped my shit
hit the door
and yelled "holla back!"

A StickyPimp Product. All Rights Reserved. If I hear these lyrics on the radio or at the club I'm SUING YO ASS!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

I Smashed It! Ouch.

Hey y'all. Its been a while, but here I'm is after a week of hitting the books and self-induced drama. Friendships; hell, any kind of relationship can be so volatile.

One thing I’ve been wanting to blog but was unable to because of my memory was one of my classmates. We had a lot of odd personalities in the Culture and Ideas classroom, but this particular girl really highlighted some of the things wrong with how we live our lives.
Through the entire class her class participation was weak at best. Now, the papers she wrote may have been good because she seemed like a good note-taker. But as soon as she realized that the discussions in the class were just that, she stopped taking notes. There is nothing wrong with that; do what you gotta do and get the fuck out. However, the underlying theme was that she is one of these women determined that the root of her happiness was her future wedding date and the honeymoon cruise. That was all I ever heard her discuss with her other classmate, her dress, the hall where she was having the reception, that was it. And then later towards the end of the semester, she incessantly text messaged. Who, I don’t know, but I can guess it was her fiancĂ©.
Its great that she's happy and I hope she has a great marriage. But as a married person I know it is foolish to limit your world to your spouse's world. Married couples (especially young ones like her) are 2 individuals who happen to want to walk together in life. You have to share a lot, but you stil are you. I wanted to tell her that, but she was too far gone, man.

Glueman called metoday and asked me for my assistance today to move and pick up some lawn chairs. They were very light chairs and of course, were heavier as they get stacked. Well, me being the manly man I am I decided to load 6 at a time into the truck. When I attempted this on the second stack of chairs, I placed them on the tailgate of the truck improperly and BOY do I mean improperly. It seems that when I put the stack down, the heavy end of chairs smash down on the tip of my dizzat. Ouch. Fellas, just imagine a 10 lb weight just sitting on the end of your dizzat for about 5 seconds. The chairs were heavier than that, but concentrated in a specialized area it couldnt have been any more than 10 lbs. I had to walk with my ass poked out for at least 1o minutes.

And speaking of dizzats....this is to my 30 and over atheletes. Are we more proned to have to wear jock straps now? I mean, what happened to the support down below? I was running wind sprints this morning. As soon as I put my stride in the next gear, my balls were all over the place. Like one of those hanging bags that boxers use for hand speed. Shit...seems like thats how fast my balls were hitting my leg and abdomen. Ouch again.

I need to take care of my tools because my school may be starting a club level baseball team. I'm trying out so wish me luck. I'm also joining a reading club for the summer until I find out that the stuff is too hard to read for no credit. Ok...I'm gonna be gone for another couple days. One more final and a practicum. But after Thursday.....

I is free!!! I is FREEE!!!!

Friday, May 06, 2005

What A Day What A Day

Today started off so well. I was preparing for my oral exam for Culture and Ideas class. I had taken care of a lot of my duties so I had some time. All of the sudden, right around lunchtime, DeputyDawg and HodgePodge got into it about an adminstrative matter. They were in each others face and a few of the kids saw it. Great. 30 more days and it had to come to this. Now we are going to have a pure zoo at that school. I'm sure some of you are looking forward to a few of war stories. (at my damn expense).

I took my oral exam and aced it. Mine was on Machaivelli and his psychopathic writing "The Prince". What's funny is right before that, I was in the hallway on the phone when this thick sista (yes, thick, not fat) was smiling at me. I smiled back and said hello. Her response was "Hi. You are really handsome." I blushed (mentally. My ass is too black to do it physically) and thanked her.

I'm really hating the job today. As a somewhat educated person, you get tired of babysitting assholes. After my various duties, here I am....chilling on Blogger. I've been looking at some other blogs and each of the one's I've discovered I HAVE to comment on.

Also....drama. Always in my life, but drama here on Blogger? There is this one blog where the author wears her feelings on her sleeve and admits all and discusses all. Cool right? Recently she did something stupid and a couple of bloggers let her know it too. I mean, why? Its her blog, her pity party, roll the fuck on. At same time, what she did WAS stupid so there are 2 sides to every story. Ok enough of that shit....


I was a latch key kid growing up. It was fine to me, but by today's standards, my mom would have been put under the figurative bus by local authorities. What a childhood. I heard the phrase "Damn! You done messed up my high!" so much I thought I it was my designated duty. Chef Boyardee? Fuck 'em. I hate that bastard now. If I ever see him in the Korean dollar store, imma beat his ass. Chicken noodle soup? I had my first cup of that shit in 25 years last week with the Mrs. Evidently I didn't miss a damn thing.
So on this up-coming mothers day, I'd like to thank my mom for the following:

Thinking reefer was baby cigarettes
That you and SoAndSo were just friends
Not breaking my heart to tell me that the Village People were all gay
Letting me imitate the Village People in front of your friends
Not beating my ass in front of the kids at school but waiting until we got home
Introducing me to the miracles of canned goods
Our next door neighbor babysitter **mmmmmmmm**
Living 2 doors down from the Africans who instead of washing their pissy bed sheets, they'd air them out in the back yard.
Cussing me out when I walked up to your job to ask you something I thought was important
Embarrassing me everytime we were together and saw a group of girls, and say in your best Mary Black Poppins voice "Girls! GIRLS!!!"
And most of all
Naming me after my father who not only was an asshole to beat the shit out of you periodically, but also had a fucked up name. GEEZ!

But I love you anyway, Ma. And to all my female readers out there who have offspring (Blondie, Paula, ChipaSomethingOrAnotherInSpanish, WebmasterMama) and to those who are on that road (Twisty, Zulu, r); and to the rest of you knuckleheads who I don't who the hell you are but you keep laughin' at me, Happy Mothers Day.

I'm out.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

My Racist Humor For the Week (Explained)

Ok, it seems I didnt explain myself too well about the email and Mexicans. Jorge and his family are the ONLY ones in the entire Cub Scout pack who do not have an email address. According to him, they don't even have a computer. According to him, they can't even AFFORD a computer. (Yeah right. He owns his own business as a sub-contractor). Does that make sense now?

My Racist Humor For the Week

Ok, most of y'all know how I do. 2 funny racial incidents, they just both happend to occur with Mexicans. **smile**

....The Cub Scout meeting is about to come to close, and the Cub Master says "We will be sending around a list for all of us to update our email addresses." I turned around and looked at my man Jorge and blatantly looked him up and down and rolled my eyes. He goes "What can I say? We're just a family of poor Mexicans." I couldn't hold it. I just busted out laughing.

.....I'm going thru the grocery store at 5 in the morning. Keep that in mind. I pass by the closed bank which is where the restrooms are. Right as I'm walking by, this Mexican man walks out with an extra pep in his step and adjusting his hat. Thoughts going thru my head "DAmn, the relief actually knocked his block off!" And "This muh fucka goes and takes a shit at 5 in the damn morning at a grocery store. Couldnt have done it before he left the house; had to go and clog the toilets up early in the morning." And "Hmph. Some muh fuckas can shit anywhere anytime."


Yesterday I was listening to the radio and the host read the funniest damn email I've ever heard on that station. I'm going to paraphrase as I did not have a tape recorder running.

Dear Mr. Tony,

We should not be surprised by the actions of the Runaway Bride as we all know deer are skiddish creatures. They are easily hypnotized by sudden, bright lights and have a tendency to run when they see men in camouflage.

KeyloLo Update: HOT!!! Today is dress-UP day as the students here are confined to wearing uniforms. KeyloLo decided to dress up today as well, wearing a red dress with matching long jacket. STILL got an onion! Wooo weeee! The type of outfit you wear to church, but will make the preacher say "Dayum!! The Lord is my shepherd...he KNOW what I want!"

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I'm Winding Up

Ok Brother Kojak fans. Its that time of the year again where I go underground for about 2 weeks. I will not be blogging as often nor will I be reading blogs either. Look for me every few days though. I'll always have something good.

Food for thought and this is mostly for the fellas: Could all of our dreams about sexy bi-sexual women be true? Could it be true that you would be entitled to a 3some at least twice a year? Could it be true that when you are at a sexual low, you can send her off to her girlfriend 'til you get you swerve back? Huh? Man, that would be bbbbb-BOMB! But I don't know any man who has a bi-sexual wife/girlfriend so I wouldn't know. But I know I could rock that. Soon as she starts nagging about something "Uh.....Jessica called. She wanted to know what you would be doing for the weekend." Man, soon as her ass hit the door, I'm OUT! Fishing, strip club, gone over to my boy's house with the big screen tv, man! Off the hook.

**sigh** Some people just live the life.

So far, I've gotten a few entries for our WGBGB Contest. When we get enough to make it a contest, I'll post the website link on here. So far so good! A few of you aerobics type are missing from the action, and you KNOW who you are!

KeyLoLo Update: Can you say "Boys II Men"? Thats what my girl is rocking today. White Pro-Keds, lime green capris (with small checks), white polo, and a matching lime green vest. Very cute.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Bloggin' With The Quickness

10:40 a.m. I'm a FrontPage class now and we are on break. I have proof that I am NOT well-endowed. I went to this same urinal twice today, and each time I had some drip drop on the floor. That's embarrassing. How old am I?

I'll have more notes to come as I get break during this Frontpage class and I will also have an entry pertaining to this weekend. One thing that happen this weekend was we've gotten our first entry for the WGBGB Contest. We shall see if the theory holds constant. I ain't convinced yet.

You know what's funny about these employer conducted classes is that you have people from all different skill levels. Kinda funny.

11:11 a.m. nodding man, nodding.... class is more basic than I anticipated.