Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
If you are a woman and read this blog, you are endangering yourself to get some of the Juice slipped in your mental drink.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Saturday was a different story. I met up with Webmaster Mama at Gardell's and did the salsa thang. It was my first time there (reluctanctly) and I was really nervous because I got the impression that that was a serious salsa spot. No prob; they gave salsa lessons in the beginning just like my tried-and-true spot.
I don't know if it because I suck more than the last time we danced or she's gotten way better, but either way she was impressive! Way past basic shit; her and her peeps even did the rueda which was explained to me to be a Cuban equivalent of square dancing. Everybody doing the same moves simultaneaously and then changing partners. It reminded me of something you might see if the Super Bowl took place in San Juan.
It was a fun 2 hours though. Mama was a great dance teacher as she showed me a couple of moves and how of fix some of the issues I was having. I get siced!! The Long Island Iced Tea I had knocked me on my ass though. whew! Bartender Girl was seer-ious.
So that was Saturday night. Saturday during the day was good. Very amusing. First, JuneCleaver told me about a sale at one of the local Goodwill's. Everything half priced. This works for me because I am on this blazer kick. I've been wearing blazers with mocknecks and regulars. Just tired of wearing sweatshirts. I told her this and she hipped me to the jive. On the way over there, I saw 1.) a grown as girl driving a car sucking her thumb 2.) a young buck selling "fruit baskets" that consisted of a couple apples and oranges in a plastic bag. Need I say more?
Then I get to Goodwill. Found a jacket; get it. $4. Yes Sirrrrrr! I get outside, and the oddest thing happens. This older kat with Gingervitus and the Cavity Creeps approaches me:
Gingervitus: Hey! Today is your lucky day!
Me: Oh for real?
Gingervitus: Yeah. I forgot my scissors and you got one braid too many.
Me: ha ha.
Gingervitus: Wait. Befo' you go, I was wonderin' if you was hacking* today.
Me: Hackin'? Naw, man. I don't hack.
Gingervitus: No? I was wonderin' if you could take me to Florida.
Me: Florida??? Is you crazy? Naw, man. I ain't hackin' and ain't NOBODY going to no Florida!
Gingervitus: Come on bruh! I give you big money, big money.
Me: **shaken head** Naw, man.
Gingervitus: No bruh, I'm serious! I got big money! Look!
And sure enough, Gingervitus had big money. In his hands he had a penny the size of a hamburger bun and a plastic roll of money the size of a water pipe in the other. You talking about somebody crying? THAT was me. I BUSTED out laughin'. I told JuneCleaver this same story but she wasn't feelin' it. I don't know, maybe she was baking a pie or something.
Damnit!! Blogging usually helps me thru my issues, but I am STILL bent up! I am about a week away from going to Baltimore St. and paying for some Wild Thing. The last time I was on the Block, there was this BANGIN' Cuban chic just waiting for me. **sigh**
If she still waitin', I might have to cash in some coins.
*hacking- the illegal act of providing transportation services without a Commercial Drivers License
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
And so it seems
I observe you from afar, yet so near
I dig you from afar, yet so more near
we stand together
your world is yours
my world is mine
yet our universes collide for the beautiful harmony that is uniquely
The music begins
I observe you next to me, yet so far
I dig you next to me sista girl, yet still so far
The Universe(harmony) is now in unison
guided by the beat of hip hop
guided by the beat of gospel
guided by the beat of soul
guided by the beat of rock
Your portion of the Universe(harmony) sways from top to bottom
the observations of the sway vary from
the deepest thoughts
to the most cantankerous
"Watch the sway
for here is where it all began
the fruit of the Earth
chocolate dipped and dripped covering a
sweet beautiful fruit to create even more beauty"
"Watch the sway
chocolate dipped and dripped covering
Damn how she work that thang!
yes...still that fruit!
how she make da ass do that?!??!"
**it is no wonder the Earth is now populated with billions. Whosoever resists shall be deemed insane**
And so it seems
I observe you from afar, yet so near
and yet, the distance has diminished
I dig you from afar, yet so more near
My soul has awakened my eyes to what I have already seen
time and time again
the distance is no more
it never was there
will always be
so sayeth the sway
so sayeth the ancestors
so sayeth my soul
Friday, January 20, 2006
I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm just can't get my head into the thing. This feeling has some high familiarity that is really not good. I have to find something to occupy my brain and time. Maybe I will put together a boat in a bottle or some shit.
But in the meantime, I have salsa dancing, basketball game, and a concert for the weekend. I be out!
Reese, you still ain't shit!!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Friday night....Brother Kojak was in the doghouse. I got home from work tired as hell. They worked me like a dog all week and I had the white flag up by 2:00. Needless to say, I was tired as hell, but we were scheduled to go salsa dancing with some of the wife's co-workers. "Not I" said the fly. I got me a 40 and some Lay's Ba-B-Que chips and that's what was gonna be up. I told her to go ahead without me because I was beat. That didn't go over well; apparently that was my way of doing something else while she was gone. Now what that could have been given my fatigue level, our sone being with me, and about $3.82 in my pocket I don't know. And just as I predicted, I was out by 10:30.
The phone rings. Its Mrs. Kojak. Waking me up.
Mrs. Kojak: I'm lost.
Me: Where you at?
Mrs. Kojak: On Broadway. I just past Fairmount.
Me: **gaddamn! The fucken place is ON Broadway!!!** Ok. Broadway is one big hill. If you are going down the hill, u going the right direction.
Mrs. Kojak: I just past Fayette.
Me: Riiight! **repeat what I just said** The club will be on the right.
Mrs. Kojak: uh....I see the Apex Theatre. I'm crossing Lombard.
Me: **sigh** Ok. You're there for the most part after you cross Lombard. Park.
Mrs. Kojak: Where should I park?
Me: Any damn where.
Mrs. Kojak: Ok, I'm parked. **walking** Oh! There is the club right there!
Sunday I realized that I have a little bit of Real Man in me. Me and Glueman went to workout and had an abbreviated workout. We have a tendency to talk and he gave me an observation that blew my mind. I couldn't focus after that. He and I hung out a little after that, and I went home to clean the debris from my front yard. We had some serious high winds Saturday and one of the huge tree limbs fell in the front yard. Since I don't do SHIT else, I had to chop it up and move it somewhere else. I borrowed Glueman's ax. Huge mistake. That ax was duller than the tip of my dizzat. When I hit the limb with it, it was more like beating it than anything else. Luckily I had my magical machete from the southern isolated regions of the ancient Mayan empire to assist me. Chop with machete, beat with ax. Chop with machete, beat with ax. Then my neighbor comes over (God bless him. I know the name of his dog, but not him). He looks at the ax and says "Good grief! That is REALLY dull." Then he peeks over the limb: "What's that?!?!?"
Oh shit. I think I scared him..
Me: What....this? **pointing towards my holstered machete**
Me: **in my opera singin' voice** It's my mache-te!!!!!
HelloNeighbor: That's not a machete!
Me: What?!?!?! What the fu....what are talking about. What is it then?
HelloNeighbor: Let me see that. **holding it** Hmmm. Good weight on it. I guess you could call it a machete. A little small for one, but ok.
Me: Mmmm hmmm. Yeah.
Talkin' bout my damn machete. He musta lost his damn mind. I still got love for him though. He went back to the crib and brought back a sharper ax and a saw. He helped me cut a few limbs and then left saying "have fun!".
The short story long of this was I actually could do real man's work. I stood out there in the cold chopping wood and lifting it and carrying it just like my grand daddy and his grand daddy did. And even more like the ancestors, I had a white man telling me what was up. How 'bout that??? I did a post on real man's work a couple years ago. I was proud of that work. Check it out.
I was too lazy to do a post about the great Dr. King, so I want you to also read last year's post. I will be celebrating the holiday with a dive into how the media made one of its first attempts at crossover entertainment. What might this be? Why, Fat Albert of course! Fat Albert was the 1st cartoon to be about Black kids in the hood of Philly. What was great about it was that they had the same problems that kids anywhere else of any other color had. Cartoons are one of the few ways to bridge the generation gap between parent and child. But I digress (as usual). Enjoy your day back to work and keep on with the keepin' on. (Especially you, KC)
Sunday, January 15, 2006
"I LOVE me some me!"
Thursday, January 12, 2006
What I'm Rockin': Goapele, Change It All, (thumbs up)
That was probably the funniest TTTT we've done so far monkeys. Mad props.
Whats odd is that I asked for the most trife thing anybody has done and everyone's answer was sexual. Is sex trife or is it the circumstance by which we engage in the act? Is sex only not scandalous when it involves a soundtrack and a bed of rose pedals? Hmmmm.....
On a gross note, when my son was raking leaves last Sat., he found a dead fat rat in the pile. I told him (from the confines of the kitchen) to scoop the bastard up and put him in the trash. Big mistake.
Today was trash day. Guess what was still in the garbage can? Si.
To those that don't know, I find rats and mice the most disgusting, useless, vile creatures on the face of the earth. I would rather EAT a fucken roach than to put my hands on a rat or mouse, dead or alive.
I've gotten a few emails about me and my pro athelete twin, Danny Fortson. I deduce that I have to step up my game and wear more suits. Fortson definitely doesn't have the belly I do, but I have the same shoulders. I bought this BANGIN' sports jacket from the Men's Warehouse a week or so ago. I'm going to have to rock it a few times and see the results. Of course, all my vanities are posted here so you will know what's up.
Speaking of vanities, let me paint a scenario for you. My school's basketball court. 1/4 of it divided by a 20 ft tall by 50 ft wide net. Behind the net are various workout equipment for boxing. Ok.
The goal today was timed cardio. Since I'm just getting back into it, the gym is good because the space is somewhat restricted. The objective was to run half speed for 1 minute, then walk a minute and a half, and do this for 30 minutes. Ok. So I reluctantly start....damn I'm outta shape as I'm feeling the air hit bronchial cavities that havent been opened up in months. I'm running...
Hit the corner hard. Keep running...walk
Hit the corner hard (finger scrape the net). Keep running....walk
Hit the corner hard (finger scrape the net). Keep running. Wal...
Now....most of y'all are in your 30's. Remember how Tom would be in the hammock getting his chill on and Jerry would fuck him up by spinning the hammock and Tom would slam hit the ground?
Call me Tom then.
Why I hit the corner hard fingers scrape the net and my big ass rolled up IN the damn net and Ka-BLOOW!! I'm flat on my back on the basketball court. Now, keep in mind that I'm about 250 so when I hit the ground, it's heard. The Athlete Director's office was WAY on the other side of the gym and HE (Blackfoot, he NEVER wears shoes)heard it. He come runnin' out "You alright?"
"Dude! I rolled right up into the net! Damn!"
"Yeah, I heard that."
Fuck you, Blackfoot.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
2.) The fucken Redskins won. Bitches. There are so many reasons I hate the Redskins, but that is a totally different blog entry. Next week they play Seattle. Seahawks! Whip....they....ass!!!
3.) The fucken Steelers won too. The fucken Steelers. I despise those bitches. Why? Man...ok, first a little bit of history. When the Colts left Baltimore like a thief in the night on January 14, 1984 (if you are from B-more, you have to add the "like a thief in the night" part. It's mandatory when talking about the Colts. Seriously.), many people made the Steelers their team because of the proximity and the similarities between the cities. Also, during the recession of the 80's, a lot of folks moved from Pittsburg to B-more. Great.
So we have a lot of Steelheads in town and whenever they win on Sunday, you hear about it on Monday. Even better.
4.) Cub Scouts suck!! I'm so sick of that shit. It's so time consuming. The purpose is good for the kids but my heart really isn't in it as a Den Leader. To get together stuff all week for 15 over-privileged kids. I am seriously considering moving my son from the comfy cozy confines of his current Pack to a more gully, ghetto-ridiculous Pack in the hood; in a pack where widdlin' actually means how to cut the handcuff chains off your wrist.
5.) I didn't workout all weekend. I have to do it because I wanna look mad sexy for my graduation party. How close am I? I look like a Black, dredded version of Grimace; the fucken milkshake from McDonalds back in the day. Hot garbage.
6.) When you are single and your woman gets on your nerves, you fire her ass. When you married you have to call Siontz and Kirk, Attorneys at Law. So instead of laying down the pimp hand, you lay down like a bitch. Aint THAT a bitch!
I was talking to someone this weekend about a harem. Damn that would be the shit! Not just sexually either. You go fishing, one of them could bait the hook, hand you the remote, call downstairs for you.....**sigh**
thats just problem exemplified. It would be easier/better to just be asexual. I think I'll work on that for 2006. No coochie, EVER! Just online games, figurines to paint and trade, blogging, work, and the ocassional trip to the driving range. Porn? Strip club? Who needs it when I have Clash of Heros.
Hehhhee. That's funny. I had to stop typing I was laughin so hard....
Friday, January 06, 2006
Peace out, monkeys.
Note: Did I ever mention that the word "monkey" is my favorite word?
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Alisa and NeighborhoodGirl, if you are reading this, stay away from the blog for about 6, 7 more days. Hehehehe
real quick...the only thing I've been contemplating today is the supposed loss of a friendship. I have a platonic female friend who I used to be really tight with for about 4 years. Recently she decided to let her boyfriend move in with her. Great! She has not had a steady in a long time and this was only the second time she's let a man live with her. Serious relationship now. However happy she is now, our friendship as taken the knockout punch. She is rarely emails me (as oppossed to everyday), I never her call her because I feel like shit-filled pantyhose; you know....as if I'm imposing with a stink. The conclusion I've drawn is that she's outgrown me and now wants to be totally settled. This includes seperating herself more from her past. I'll keep y'all posted because a dirty email is brewing in my brain.
A couple night ago I had a disturbing nightmare that was nothing but a movie commercial. WTF? I'm not going to talk about it yet because if I were to write a short story...that is going to be the premise of it and I don't want to ruin it. Again, I'll keep you posted.
Wish me luck with my uploads.
UPDATE: The post is up. Go scroll down to check it out.
now, THIS would have gotten the crowd fired up!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Happy NewYears, Hon
The scene is Fells Point, Baltimore. This area is right on the water overlooking the south-side of the Inner Harbor. Probably the best view outside of being at the Harbor itself. The mood: festive. Everyone is in a good mood and the weather is being very cooperative. This particular gent strolls into one of the pubs that will go unmentioned. The plan was to meet up with a platonic friend and her friends. As the night flowed into midnight, so did the alcohol. We all know how things go when the liquor be flowin', the inhibitions drop. PlatonicFriend was very snuggly; leaning on Gent1, the friendly chest pat, arm rub, the whole 9. He is the knight for her and her crew as guys waaaaay to old to be hitting on their daughters' former classmates get staved off by him. When the clock struck 12, Gent1 escorted the crew outside to watch the
fireworks. Of course, PlatonicFriend got swept up in the moment and had hands ALL over Gent1.
On the cab ride back to the hotel (hotel of the crew, Gent1 is a local), the cab was packed with ladies and they all agreed that Gent1 should ride back with them regardless of how crowded the cab was. All are ridin' in a the cab, on of the crew was in Gent1's lap and PlatonicFriend was still touchy feelly smiley sitting next to him. They get to the hotel, and PlatonicFriend, wasted, wants Gent1 to come inside. Gent1 being the gentleman that he is, bid her a fair adieu. LapFriend explained to Gent1 that PlatonicFriend was a little salty that her boyfriend couldn't hang out. LapFriend asks Gent1 if he is SURE he doesn't want to stay. Gent1 declined based on his car still being at the garage 15 blocks away. He now bids LapFriend adieu and catches a cab to the parking garage to call it a night.
Iffin' it were me......
depending on the level of platonacy, I would have serious considered knocking that out. Ok, no, I WOULD have knocked that out. Not only would I have knocked that out, I would try to get a 1-2-3 out of it. If they said no, they just say no. But my guess is that there was enough alcohol involved to pull it off. So what if you get a 3some under the influence....you can at least put that in the book. **shrugging shoulders**
Happy NewYears, Hon II
Our next story takes place a little further north; Charles Village. Charles Village is a neighborhood that's so popular that a lot of the houses have been converted to apts. to accomodate the students, yuppies, and the working broke. The atmosphere is the same as above. GentII is another single guy, late 20's, good job. He decided to spend his time in a similar way, except this time it was bar-hopping.
He went to a favorite watering hole in Charles Village that too will go unnamed. He stayed there until about 2 and then when to one of his favorite watering holes where he stayed until 5. Here is our convo...
Me: So...!! There must have been a ton of New Year's Eve (NYE) bootie out that late!
GentII: Yeah. I guess.
Me: What do you mean you guess? What were you doing out that late without trying to get you some?
GentII: Man, I'm gettin' too old for that stuff.
Me: What???? Dude, you ain't even 30 yet!!!
GentII: I will be in a few months, man. Besides, I've seen some of my boys in their mid-30's trying to pushup on chics at the bar. Its not pretty.
Me: Mmm. If you say so.
Iffin' it were me......
I would have either set up some NYE coochie, or had my game primed up for the evening so that I would be taken at minimum a nickel-piece home. There is no way you can go out like that, fellas. NYE is mandatory bootie night. Even if you have to shell out some cash or deal the ugly chic down the hall, bonin' is a must. Now as a married man, its touch and go. It could go either way. But me with my own place, no roomies, no kids....uh uh. I'm speaking French all night!
Vous le vous les boning, cheri?