TTTT: Late as Usual

With my sudden bordom with my blog, its really hard to get the Tell The Truth Tuesday out on time. So, it's a day late, but luckily not a dollar short. (wow...AND corny). So I have 2 TTTTs:

1.) What is the incident that make you scream like a bitch?? For example, you at the family reunion and a spider lands on you and you go bananas.

2.) Give us one time where you were late, shouldn't have been, everyone noticed, and you were just plain embarrassed .



Go.

TTTT: Tell The Truth Tuesday (even though its Wed)

Ok, y'all we haven't done this in a while and its both of our faults. So let's get back on the wagon.


We all get them; some of us have enough will-power to refuse them, others of us just say fuck it.

INDECENT PROPOSALS

I'm looking for 2 things here: name one indecent proposal that you refused, and another one that you accepted. They don't have to be sexual, but I know ALL of y'all have gotten the sexual ones. So when in doubt, go for the draws. I want a response from all my peeps please and yes, keep it anonymous. Go.

Farfig....What????

The next person I see who comes at me and touts that Farfegnuken shit, I’m gonna punch them slam in the face. Last night, my Farfegshitten landed me slam in a chain link fence on the highway. I was driving down Rt 97 in MD. One of the nicest highways in the state because of the few amounts of speed traps. I’m doing my thing when I notice the wheel begin to veer to the left. I slowed down to correct it, but when I did the car suddenly corrected itself and I went launching towards the shoulder. Only thru the Grace of God did I miss a light post but wore out the chain link fence. I unclenched my jaws (and my ass cheeks for that matter), let go of the steering wheel and rolled down the window. Good. I can get out if the door won’t open. But the door opened and I wobbled out. Up the highway I saw 2 vehicles pulled over. They must have called the poe-poe because one of them sat there until Trooper Friendly showed up. The first sentence out of my mouth was “Don’t worry, officer. Drinking and smoking were not involved, “ as I assumed the position.

OfficerFriendly: What are you doing?
Me: Huh? Oh….nuffin’. I can tell you right now drinking or drugs were not involved.
OfficerFriendly: yeah. Don’t worry about that. Are you alright?
Me: Yeah, I’m fine (fire engine pulls up)
AAFD: You ok? Do you need to go to the hospital? Any injuries?
Me: No. No need for a hospital. Although my shoulder is starting….
AAFD: Ok greatgoodluckbye. (Speed off to the nearest Subway to eat fresh)
Me: Damn. (watching them speed off)
OfficerFriendly: Can I have your license and registration, please?
Me: Ok. (trying to remember if I’m legit as far as tickets, fines, and interstate warrants.) Got it right here.
OfficerFriendly: (After running my steelo) So what happened?
I explained to him what happened. While the AAFD and OfficerFriendly were there, I was on the phone with AAA. Funny…after the accident that’s the 1st thing that came to mind: Somebody get me the fuck outta here. About 20 mins. Pass and the tow truck shows up. But check this out, it wasn’t Bubba with a bad case of butt-crackitis or Willy Bo who talks so fast you can’t understand what the hell he’s sayin’…..



It was my boy Deepak Manjeet?!?!?! Whoa! I have NEVER seen an Indian tow truck driver, let alone a Sikh. I was blown; life is just too damn wild sometimes. He puts the car on the bed and we roll out. After he left, I stood back and took a look at my “new to me” car. My little flashy Jetta with the boomin’ system and slick wheels and black paint looked like it got pistol-whipped by a massive piece of barbed wire. The current symbol of my life. Sleek and silkiness marred by a constant shit beating. The blessing is I walked away from it. Looking at the skid marks, I was about 3 feet away from a for real for real hospital stay. Thank God for that. (See? I told you guys you weren’t missing much. Ugh)

Another Reason I Ain't Shit #3

This happened about 3 weeks ago and in my hiatus, I forgot to blog or mention it



So I get this call from an unknown number on the cell (I hate that) and its the Offspring's buddy's mother. She was inviting him over for a sleepover for her son's b-day. I said sure, but then it hit me....slam in the face..."self, this is the SMOKIN' hot mom from last year. The one who kept catching you staring at her. Yeah, her." So, as a barely responsible parent, I'm analyzing how I can drop this kid off, be cordial, and get the hell outta there. **snapping fingers** I got it!! I will take the Mother of Offspring. That way, if I stare too much, the ramifications are a week's worth of dirty looks.

The kid gets all of his stuff together for the outing, and NumberOneStunna's direction's get me all hemmed up. She picks up the cell and says "I'll meet you outside." Great.
I swing a u-turn and nearly crash cause DAYYYYY-UM! she's outside in workout gear. Oh no, NOT the frumpy shit you see the busted ass mothers in the PTA and bake sales, but the Under Amour joints. holy cow. Ok fellas, let me describe this chic to you....take Vanessa Williams in her late 20's or early 30's, give her a sexy smile with a slight gap (I don't have a celebrity comparison), and the body of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Ta-dow. The top was tight and pink, with short silver bottoms that had the same pink colored stripe. I felt my left eye twitch while my mouth had a slight watering around the edges. "You gotta stop trippin'. Implement Phase II" I thought. Phase II was for BK to be a jackass; talking loud and obnoxious. I must have helped because she just gave me a weird look, a laugh and a shaking of the head. Mother of Offspring wasn't much help; she said hey and never even got out of the car. So to summarize, I get out of the car talkin' dumb shit, literally grab the kid and throw him at her, scoop up all his shit and put it in her arms, and then ball the hell outta there.
The next day I went to pick up the kid, and when NumberOneStunna answered the door, a total transformation. The hair was typed up in a rag and the workout clothes were now sweat pants and a tee. She still was bangin' though. Hmmm.....I wonder if she saw me drooling and twitching the day before?

Oh man! And so what did you miss

Sorry about the delays in blogging, but BK has been wrapped up in BK. I was telling someone the other day that I haven't blogged in a min. and she tells me "maybe its more interesting to live life than to blog about it. " Profound and shit. Here is a synopsis of what I've been focusing on, for better or worse:

1.) stroking the salami
2.) fantasy baseball
3.) fantasy football
3.) the Offspring's football season
4.) The plight of the Underscores
5.) stroking the salami
6.) injuring the salami
7.) an overall state of jackassedness


1.) We're not going to get into that one too too much. You know the email address.

2.) I got my ass kicked in fantasy baseball. I know baseball is not that popular, so I won't even go over the roster. I came in 4th place out of 8 with a score of 101-100-5. My 2 biggests mistakes: not getting Putz off of the wire, and trading Carl Crawford for Shea Hillenbrand, Kenny Rogers, and Mick Cappauano.

3.) So early and yet so far away. I'm already in 2nd to last place and that's only because the guy in last place did so poorly last week. I have the only team that hasn't scored at least 100 points per game. My premiere players, Ronnie Brown and Cadillac Williams have a combined 2 touchdowns and 85 yards. Gonna be a long season fantasy-wise.....

4.) It was bothering me that we weren't practicing and today I found out why. There seems to be a rift between our guitarist and our drummer. I don't know what it was, but what I do know is that he didn't want her in the band anymore and she said she wasn't comfortable around him. Too much drama for a non-paying gig thus far and all the while our bass player is still 3 weeks away from being homebound to India. Don't you just love happy fucken endings?

5.) and 6.) I'm not going to go too deep into this, but I can tell you that too much activity without the proper external supplements WILL lead to injury.

7.) I've been a jackass lately. In the sense that I'm not being considerate of the feelings of others. I want to blame it on stress, but I think I'm in the early stages of the Curmugeon Syndrome. I'm easily irritated and caring less and less about how abrasive I come off. I hope it's because of all the stress I'm putting myself thru. Either way, the people in my life are getting tiny pieces of hell.


What's today, Wednesday? Damn I just want to stay in the bed, chat on yahoo with some talk radio in the background. I like to have background noise when I sleep. Hmmm....Wednesday also means that its Heidi night. She has a new gig in DC that i have yet to see due to additional dumbness. I'm trying to save my pennies for a move, but I I think I need a fix. Heidi has that effect on me, like the exhale of a menthol cigarette; that slight minty burn that moves through your chest and elicits a quick feel of euphoria when completed.

The _______'s

Oh man! So I didnt post about the 1st practice for our band. The _____'s. The 1st practice was good considering it was the first one and it was a straight jam session. A bass, a sax, and guitar. I was pleased though; very pleased. I got antsy about the self-proclaimed FunkyFemaleGuitarist guitar player joining us, but knowing how wishy washy musicians are, I wasn't holding my breath for her to show up.

But damnit, lo and behold if FunkyFemaleGuitarist did in fact show up. And like the DOC, it was funky enough. It seems like because of the make-up of the band we are going to be a jazz meets funk, funk meets jazz type quartet. Personally, I would love to add some hip hop into the mix. I have to work on my partners though; I seem to be the only true hip hop head.

So what's next on the plate? We've decided on 2 grooves, practice, practice, then open mic nite. Boom.

Weekly Update

Hey good people/monkeys. I don't have a ton of time so I'm going to give you guys a crappy summary of my week. It matches since my week was so crappy.




1.) I saw "Rollbounce" on cable the other night. The movie really really entertaining. It was black kid bubble gum and a throwback style which I could relate to. BowWow did a pretty good job. The movie was really well cast too; there were a bunch of kids in the movie who we've all seen as child actors from just a few years ago. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

2.) Keep the prayers/good vibes going for PrettyPussy(Cat). She is having some family issues that she's dealing with. Keep your head up girl. I'm proud of you because you are such a damn soldier.

3.) Saw Heidi Tuesday. Yes, people. That is going to be my regular hang out on Tuesday. She and the band are doing a great job given the limitations. And check THIS shit out...she gave me a hug! I 'bout died. OOoh ooh! AND she talked to me after the 1st set too. She likes chocolate and happily married. **snapping fingers** Damn.
The word on the street is getting out about the gig so if you are in DC you might want to check her out.

4.) NeighborGirl and I had a convo that she deemed bloggable so I will regrettably share it with you. She asked me if I remember the little cupcakes that parents make for kids in school that had the little ice cream cones baked with them. I said barely but I remember moms bringing some cakes and cookies. Some were good, some were bad, but the worst one was the food I bought in one day. It was international day in junior high school and I decided to bring in some nachos and cheese. Why did I get the great idea to heat REGULAR cheese on the nachos? So when it was time to eat out international flavor, I had a big lump of nachos with cheese goo. Brilliant. To add shit on top of shit, I was determined to win the costume contest, so my mom took an old curtain, and cut it into the likeness of a pancho. The print was perfect, but uh...yeah. It was a damn curtain. I wore that shit, had my lumpy nachos, and STILL ain't win. Sweated my ass off walking home because my makeshift pancho's hotness factor. It sucked because it was cool walking there; like cool like the fonz, cool as in temperature. Walking home I remember it being hot as hell though; sweat running down my back to the crack of my hot, curtained ass. Got so bad that I just took the pancho off and put on my stinking gym shirt that was festering in my locker all week. So instead of being damn near faint, I decided to smell my stinking as the full 1.5 miles home. Again, brilliant.

5.) I had a phone interview with one of the Big Six Thursday. Why they calling a nappy-headed brother like me from a Tier 3 school I don't know. I haven't heard anything from them so they must have changed their mind. The resumes are flying like propoganda during the Cold War. Its past that time to make a move.

6.) I have a song stuck in my head....I can't get it out either. But it's really catchy.

Don't have much to say
but I called you anyway
to kiss your
lips in
cyber-space.

you have to hear it; smooooth. Bilal Salaam.



This weekend calls for sun, fun, food, drinks, and maybe some lotion for my dry dizzat.


Peace out monkeys.

Weekend In Review

Weekend Notes

You know you’re repulsive/creepy when:

A woman walks into a restaurant; she avoids eye contact with you but knows you’re looking at her. (Description: skyscraper tall, shoulder-length auburn curly hair, and a caramel complexion) I would turn around every now and then to check her out, but one time I turned around and she went out the other door. I KNOW I wasn’t leering at her, but my looks were just enough to gross her to the point of going out the other door. Stuck on busted.

Can there be ANY other show on tv that’s more masculine and testosterone injected than “The Contender”? I mean, “Monster Garage” and its rival show with the father and son are all up there, but when the shit hits the fan, do they actually fight? Hell no. That’s all staged. These guys on “The Contender” are going to fight regardless. And the only other form of hand-to-hand combat that’s more savage than boxing is Ultimate Fighting. The funny part is watching this show with the promo commercials for the World Series of Darts. Are you for real? Darts? Does anything else say fat, lazy, white-men-can’t-jump, barfly, no-job-having more so than a dude who can rock you at darts? (and yes, this includes all ethnicities) Hard to be any more of an unathletic athlete than that.

Had another good practice with the Offspring today. Might have to get out there more because he is getting a beer belly. No, I ain’t give him no beer! Regardless, he’s learning and absorbs A LOT more than I anticipated. Should be some interesting results especially since he still doesn’t understand the rules of the game.

Did you know that Tom & Jerry is now Politically Correct? The Offspring and I saw one of the more inflammatory episodes where the maid in the house was the stereotypical big, fat, and black "Mammy" stereotype. At least, that's how it was when I was a kid. Tom was supposed to stay up and catch Jerry, but after a night of partyin' with the fellas the Pussy Lounge, he couldn't keep his eyes open. So Jerry proceeded to help Tom go to sleep so he could get is ass whopped by Mammy. Back in the day, the cartoon would go something like “To-MAS!!! Why you in hurh sleepin’ knowin’ dat mouse is runnin’ around in!” Then Tom would get the broom upside his head. Today we watched it, and she said something to the effect of “Thomas! Why aren’t you attempting to catch that mouse? Don’t you mice are dirty and unsanitary? Get that mouse!” I DEFINITELY don’t mind a more positive spin on how my people are depicted, but Phylicia Rashad I wasn’t expecting.

Looks like I’ve gotten my 1^st White Girl Resume. She has potential given I grew in the suburbs too, but there are some other elements that may take some adjusting. The physical assets, however, are impressive. This resume deserves further review.

NAME:  Renaissance

ADDRESS:  Super white suburb of the city where it’s safe.

HOBBIES: painting my nails

                hiking in the forrest

              identifying North American birds and bird calls

              brushing my hair

              going to museums

LIKES:  crackers and cheese

          romantic movies

          long walks

          pop music and top 40

          putting on lotion

          trying on clothes- white women love to shop

DISLIKES:   coconut- white people hate coconut

               fake nails

               dry skin

               spicy food

Best pic asset:

A Night With Heidi (Finally!)

WARNING: This post is going to be very chatty and sporatic. We talkin' about my girl now so....yeah. AND blogspot deleted my 1st 2 attempts.

So I'm on the phone with NeighborGirl talking and looking for the jazz spot. I find it, peek thru the window and "Oh my God. That's Heidi! Gotta go..." and abruptly closed the celly shut. I walk in, and I must have had the stupidest look on my face because she immediately smiled at me. The convo with me, Heidi, and my innards went something like this:
Heidi:Hi! Thanks for coming.
Me:**stupid grin and mumbling something incomprehensible**
Innards:rwaaarrwwwwaw...RRRWWA!!
Heidi:**smile** How did you find out about the show?
Me:Uh....I got the thing, the uh...in da emails. Uh...
Heidi:You mean the flyer?
Me:Yeah, YEAH! Yeah, son...I mean...yes. I'm on your mailing list so I saw the flyer and decided to come out.
Heidi:Really? I have you on a mailing list? Wow....when did you get on the list?
Me:Well...I...uh...signed up for the list a while ago.
Heidi:**smile** Oh ok. I thought you saw my myspace page.
Me: You have a myspace page? Damn I hate that site.
Heidi: Yeah, I hate it too, but its so easy to use, it’s a good way for musicians to stay in touch, and I can make announcements without using the email broadcast. **shrugging shoulders**
Me: Great…now I have to create a page just so I can see what’s going on with YOU! **smile** As a matter of fact, I’ll make it when I get home.
Heidi: Alright. I’ll check and see tomorrow. I’ll be looking for it. **smile**
Innards: rwgrwgragarea---awwww-RWRARRR!
Me: YEAH! I mean, yeah. The thing is about the mailing list, I did it a while...let me just say it. I've been trying to keep tabs on your performances for a few years now, and this is the 1st one I've gotten to see since Blues Alley.
Heidi: **gasping** You remembered me from THAT performance? Wow, that WAS a long time ago! That is so sweet! **touching my arm**
Innards: OhmyGodshetouchedme, ohmyGod. Reduce blood flow to lower extremities and take evasive measures! We gotta keep this dummy from tipping over!
Me: **gulp** Yeah I guess. It’s just really good to see you live again. **shifting nervously back and forward**
Innards: **dizzat throbs twice**
Heidi: Why, thank you! It's nice to know that I've kept a fan for such a long time.
Innards: RWAWAAWWRRRR
Me: Garsh. Umm...I'm going to let you finish setting up and I'll set...uh...over here...on this long this thing. BENCH! I'll be over here on the bench. Well, not like in baseball...this bench over here. Yeah. Uh,....have a great set.
Heidi: Ok! See ya!
Innards: Hurry to the bench! HURRY TO THE BENCH!!! We are loosing control of major bodily functions!!!

So I quickly stammered to the bench to gather my bearings. I let my heart rate decrease by checking out my surroundings. It was a typical DC yuppie place; marble bar, tiny rest rooms, small kitchen to serve tapas, floor space for sitting not dancing, and a slightly elevated stage for performers. On the brick walls were pictures of people from the African and Indian Diaspora; REAL freaky. All of them had this blank stare into the camera that was truly unnerving. The crowd was mixed but dominated by lesbians, mostly manly women with a few lipsticks thrown in.
The band then began to play; the music de jour were 2 heavy r&b’ed up jazz pieces, not bad. Not my thing, but I was listening. Then…
“Ladies and gentlemen, now making her way to the stage, the talented Miss Heidi Martin.” She walked on the stage and thanked us all for being there. After a little pow-wow on the stage, she began to sing “Black Ghandi”. Mmmm. That’s all I got to say about that. And as if her voice weren’t sexy enough, I noticed that she has this habit of humming/singing a song right before the band starts playing. Yummy. 3 songs were sung and we applauded the set. Heidi stepped off the stage, and sat right next….to ME! (Well, not exactly next to me; the bassist’s stepson was sitting next to me.)
Heidi: How was it? How was the sound?
Me:**looking at StepsonSon as if to say “dude, say something because I’m so tired of stammering.”
Step-sonSon:Oh it was good. The guitar was a little strong, but still a good set.
Heidi:** looking at me waiting for my input. **
Me:Well, yeah. He’s right. The place is small enough that it’s not that big of a deal, so it still sounds good. You might want to turn your mic up a bit though.
Heidi:Oh ok. Hmmm. I was wondering if you guys could hear me.
Innards: Get that stupid grin off of your face, boy! Damnit! We need a distraction but she is right here. Shit!
**celly rings**
Me: Ahh. I better take this…excuse me.

So I take the phone call outside where there was more cigarette smoke than inside. When I get back in, I just realized that I had someone sitting next to me for the past couple songs. Hmmm! A rather out of place looking woman; she had a conservatism about her that screamed civil employee. But nosey me had to find out more.
I was going to put in the dialogue about this convo, but it’s too long and is of no great consequence. I mean not to say that she was boring, but this is a Heidi post, HEIDI POST! Actually, it was a good convo. She’s a teacher (boom) with classical voice training. She actually got a lunch lesson from Heidi the next day.
So the last set began and both my new friend and I were struggling to keep our eyes open during the ungodly hour for a weekday night. The set went great sharing commentary with my new buddy. The STUPID, mad kool part was when the set was over and they were about to wrap things up when some dude yells, “Do another one!” The bassist goes “What do you want to hear?” Then. Silence. Impulsively, your boy BK shouts, “ Do a poem! Do a slam!” At this point, Heidi was in her chair packing her music and getting ready to roll out. Then she looks up, dead at me and says, “you want me to do a poem?”
Now….let me digress for a second here. Y’all remember that Whitney Houston video “Run to You” when she is in the white dress singing all seductively and the wind blowing thru her hair? Yea, that was me envisioning Heidi saying to me:

Heidi: **breathlessly** You….want me…to do a poem…for you my sexy dredded Nubian king? To put your soul, your spirit at ease…from the safety and comfort of my warm welcoming bosom…. The fruits of my….


MEANWHILE BACK AT THE CLUB, everyone was looking at me, but luckily they couldn’t see my engorged dizzat….

Innards: Wake up, jackass and answer her!!
Me:UH…YEAH! A poem.
**audience claps as Heidi agrees and steps to the stage**

Oh man! You talking about tight! Heidi did a poem while the band did a jazz number in b flat. It was a great way to end the night. I got in my car, with the biggest, pumpkin-eating smile on my face. I called PrettyPussy(Cat) and I must have sounded like an idiot talking all fast like BandCampGirl and squealing like a mouse dragging a trap. No Man Points last Tuesday; I left them all on the bench thingy at the club. Fuck it. I shared time and space Heidi. **sigh**

Fucken Blogspot

you know, I should have known better than to try to blog and then save what I've written on here. I had 3/4's my experience with Heidi (http://www.heidimartin.com) typed up and ready to go, and I come back here today and the shit is gone. Back to the damn drawing board.

Note to you monkeys: I do not hate white woman. Stop emailing me stupid shit. Find something else to get mad at like slavery in Africa, corrupt politicians, the piss crust around the rim of your toilet bowl. This blog is for my mental health and your entertainment. You don't like it, don't read it and peace out my face. Never been with a white chic and I'm not ruling it out; as a matter of fact I'm taking applications.


Yeah....let's do that. WHITE GIRLS ONLY! Send me sure personal resume and a best asset pic. Maybe its time to sample the vanilla milk.


**rolling eyes**
I'm out like whoa.

No TTTT Today Because.....

 This Summer...Tuesday Nights...begins JULY 18th!!!
HEIDI MARTIN

w/ MICHAEL ANTHONY BOWIE

Janelle Gil~p Mark Prince~d Alvyn White~g

perform originals

http://www.michaelanthonybowie.com/

http://www.heidimartin.com

TUESDAY NIGHTS AT BOSSA LOUNGE

2463 18th St.NW, Adams Morgan-Washington, DC, 20009 202-667-0088
Cost: 2 drk. min/sets at 9:30pm and 11:00pm (JULY 18th-opening night)

 

Vocalist/composer/arranger, Heidi Martin...

NEWS: Heidi Martin was one of six finalists in the London International Jazz Competition, which featured 107 competitors from 25 nations.

Check out the latest news & recordings from Alone Together cd :http://www.heidimartin.com

Heidi Martin Music
© Pisces-Gemini Publishing Company, Ascap.

---

My Week Just Got Better Exponentially

The
girlishy sexy Stacey Dash is naked in Playboy!!

There IS a God, and let the church say AMEN!!!!

TTTT: Naked And Assed Out

We'll get to the TTTT in a bit but I have to vent 1st. If you buy a brand new car, still got 30 day tags on it, why in the FUCK would you already put decals and stickers on it? I don't know if I've mentioned this kat before (JimiBuffet), but it was his car. I could read the stickers, but I'm sure one of them was or had something to do with stupid ass Margaritaville. Damn he's banged up.

Due to a change of plans I decided to call the Ian(P) against the advice of r and have a meeting with her this evening. I made a couple phone calls and got the low-low on her and I'm good to go. She's a Hall & Oates "Maneater". What out, boy...she'll chew you up!

Um....why does my co-worker like to rub and pull on his lips when he's reading something? He already look like one of the damn Simpsons, don't make matters worse! Hehhe...when he first started, one of my other co-workers used to call him Barney. That shit was funny until I guess released that that hurt his feelings so he stopped calling him that. Funny, but banged up.

And speaking of banged up, let's talk about me. I get up this morning to take a piss. 5:35 AM. I go to the bathroom which is literally 3 feet from the bedroom door. I piss. I come out and my dad greets me. 5:35 AM. "Morning."
Besides being 5:35 AM, what was unusual about this morning greeting? I was bare ass naked. Yes. Naked. Why? Well it was hot last night so it was one of those RARE occassions I rocked a b-day suit. So I'm coming out of the shitter, I peak out, and as soon as I take that 1st step, POP! There he is. Perfect. Fucking perfect.

So...share my pain. What was YOUR most embarrassing moment of nakedness?

Go.

I Can't Hang

Man....I was going to go to GayPower's cookout today, but I'm really not up for the seeing a couple of men wining on each other. Ish. I ate some hot dogs last night and even though that was hours ago, I'm SURE them bitches would be coming up if I saw that shit.


Very lazy day today...trying to figure out how to get resituated given some unforseen financial mishaps. My brain has also been flowing with some decent entreprenuerial ideas so that's been marinating on my brain too. The offspring and I will be doing football drills as soon as it cools off. This is Week 2 of our spring training camp; so far so good.

No decision on meeting the -Ian(P) yet. Not sure I want to make that drive. I get so damn lazy on the weekends. BUt I can't get too lazy because my ass is broke until next pay. I will be sweating my balls off in the kitchen in a effort to save some cash by fixing my own meals. Wish me luck.

And then came Sunday...

I didn't meet with the Ian(P)this weekend; too much pressure. Not sure if I'm mature enough too do business with a hottie. If she's what I've been told, I'd be too distracted to deal with anything involving real estate. Sa, so sad the mind of the man.

I Hate Everybody

I have this song in my head called "Lay It Down" by Dwele. Stuck. The worst part is, all I know is the hook. I do know any of the verses. Oh well.

Mad drama over here. I don't want to discuss it because most of you come here to get your laugh or "hmmm...that's interesting" on. So we are gonna keep it light.

Isn't it amusing when you know a man who as just as nosey as a woman? Noseyness gossiping are things usually associated with women (except for Lou Ferrigno in The King of Queens), but every now and then, you get a guy who just can't help himself. My boss hurt his ribs on the 4th. He called in and said he had a rib injury and left it at that. When he came into work today, my one co-worker was all in his business: "What happened?" "Did you go to the hospital?" "Did your wife notice?" "What medication are you on?" And you could tell by talking to him that he didn't want to answer a whole lot of questions because most of the answers were yes or no. I asked dude "why you interrogating the man, Walter Cronkite?" His reply was "I'm just curious." Curious is Standard American-English proper for nosey. Y'all ain't know that, did you?

Ever been jealous of someone you don't even know? I have a friend who has a crazy wild sex life, and periodically she does the 3some with this couple. How lucky is THIS mu fucka? A sista AND a latina at the same time??? Playing with my emotions. Some kats just have it made like that; me, I do my majic with internet pics and some dollar store lotion. I hate everybody.

Weekend should different. My cousin GayPower is having a cookout. From the looks of it, I will be the only straight one there. Again, I hate everybody.

Just got a call from this real estate agent. She wants us to meet this weekend to discuss business in her state. Now, its not likely that I'll buy there, but one part of me says not to rule out all my options. Now, the dizzat waggin' caveman in me says "Hmmm....rumor on the street is that this chica is HOT. You should go just to see what she looks like." Trife livin' on my part. I'll just have to play it by ear and see what I do. Hard to resist a sexy Panamanian. I feel myself oozing out of the chair when she talks. Mmmmmm....

My ShouldBe wife will be in town in a couple of weeks to perform. OMG....I don't know if I can handle it. That voice, the way she throws her hair bag when she hits a long soulful note. Szszszszszs! I think remain seated the whole time and I'll wear 2 pair of underwear just in case I loose it.


HEy! I'm blogged out and shit! Only thing I can think about is Philly, boobs, Panamanian peas and rice, and chocolate martinis. Why...I don't know. Well, I know, and somebody out there knows...and on that, I'm peace the fuck out.

Shmoozing II

So last night I went out shmoozing again; brown pin striped suit, patterned dark tan shirt, striped tie the color of the suit, the stripes on the suit and a complementary green, and of course, the chocolate slides. I wish I had a funny story about it, but I don't. It was a typical "who are you?" mosh pit of executives for a dinner that was the cost of a lease payment on a Pontiac. It was so rough, that me, the King of Schooze, only got 1 business card. Long night too...from 5:30 until 9:45. The upside? OPEN BAR. And no, the BK did not get lit up. As a matter of fact, everytime I hit the bar I would say "rum and coke. easy on the rum" There was no way I was gonna get caught and be so comfortable with someone that I'd say something retarded like " BOB! What up, SON?! You holdin' it down?"
But those things are always fun to me. I surprise myself how I can be so comfortable in that situation and still go to the barber shop and everything is "mutha fucka" this and "nigga" that.

Today is Tech. Services Hawaiian Shirt Day which included a Mexican Buffet. huh? I don't know, don't ask. All I know is that when it was time to do the group pic, I was GONE! Happy Hour is tonight so we shall see how that goes. The co-worker I don't trust will be there so I'll make sure to pop in and then pop the hell out of there. Thats all I got for now...you monkeys be safe.

I Got A Case of the Reese's

I gettin' like Reese now, I feel I have absolutely nothing to blog about. Actually, I have a ton of stuff to blog about, but it's really too painful now. I can say this, you don't really know yourself until not only when the shit hits the fan, but when you can smell it. That's where I am not and it would be an even bumpier if it wasn't for my girl DancesWithJesus (yes, there is a story behind the nickname). Thanks, luv. You are a God-send.

One good thing about living in the Baltimore/DC area is the incredible diversity and the number of festivals that go along with that diversity. I've already missed 2 festivals just by blinking. This weekend there is the somewhat-insane Carribbean Festival in DC. My goal this year is to go to both the DC and B-more festivals and juxtapose the 2. I've never gone to both so its high time my old ass gets on it.
The 1st comparison will be DC's Carribean Festival. The Festival takes place on about 8 blocks of Georgia Ave. Floats go by from different area Carribean clubs. The Trinis usually truly represent, but every now and then the Yardies do their thing. Personally, I will nuetral. I'll watch some of the festivities, walk up the street to be with WhatAboutMe and her crew as they DJ on Georgia Ave.
Inappropriateness.
Hey. Friendship is unconditional, right? Then why come I have no problems ignoring this email from a friend even though its for her to go to Thailand and get surgery?


Hi,
Just out of curiosity...
anyone in town on July 4 and able to take me to the airport at 6:00 in the morning?

Shiiiiiiiiit! I ain't the one! Not only would we have to be friends with benefits, those benefits better include ALL of the orifices.



YO!!!! Vida Guerra is naked like whoa in Playboy!!! Life is good. damn good.

Same Shit...Different Era

In this day and age, we see a lot of multi-ethnic children and interracial couples all over and thats a good thing. It's something I'm used to from upon until I realized one important thing, SOMEBODY has got to give SOMEBODY some. That doesn't always fall in the realm of the same race. But all jokes aside, its good because it means that we as Americans are more accepting of one another.

Maybe.

Racism is still a factor in our day to day lives except now it so underlying its hard to detect. About 10 years ago, I was considering not attending the Million Man March. First of all, because I'm not the greatest fan of Minister Farrakhan. Secondly, because I was listening to the jounalist propaganda of how this march may become violent due to the size of the crowd. What was implied? "You black bastards can't organize shit without police being involved." I talked to Cannonball not to long after that and he said "If we scared of our own people, why bother even waking up?" True to life on that and the March was not a prob because I didn't see any liquor bottles, drug sales, or ass-whippin's. Pop a collar to that!
Ok, I digress because thats a sore spot with me. The point is that the media really tries to keep us Black people "in our place" just by the way some information is dictated. This morning I just happened to be watching the Today show. The update was about the Duke Lacrosse team rape. And as the host (I don't know the new host's name) asked questions to the correspondent, do you know that not ONCE did he refer to the women as such or victims, or even accusers. Each time he made reference to them, they were referred to as strippers. I wish I had a link to the video so you guys could see it, but I waited too long to blog. The underlying message was that these women don't get the consideration that other women do either because of their occupation or because of their race AND occupation. Hmmm.....last time I checked a victim was one who has been violated in some way, an accuser is a person who has accused someone of wronging them, and a woman is a homosapien who has the capability/capacity to bear offspring. The last time I checked, these 2 strippers are all of the above; yet are not referred to as such. Even if both of them are full of their and somebody else's shit, don't they deserve that much respect? To at BARE MINIMUM be referred to as women? Accusers? Victims?

Marinate on that.....

TTTT: Let's Try That Again!

Alright damn it! We gonna do this shit again!

You...Uglor...Why
Go

AND

name the 5 celebrities/atheletes who you would love to party with and why
Double Go

TTTT: "You sho' Is Ugly!!!"

Hey monkeys. This week's TTTT is about dating that UGLY kat/chic. You had your reasons, but all you know is that in the street you always got the 2nd and 3rd looks because your partner was stuck on busted. You dated Uglor, but why? How what did you do when you were in public?

Go.