Sunday, July 23, 2006

Weekend In Review

Weekend Notes

You know you’re repulsive/creepy when:

A woman walks into a restaurant; she avoids eye contact with you but knows you’re looking at her. (Description: skyscraper tall, shoulder-length auburn curly hair, and a caramel complexion) I would turn around every now and then to check her out, but one time I turned around and she went out the other door. I KNOW I wasn’t leering at her, but my looks were just enough to gross her to the point of going out the other door. Stuck on busted.

Can there be ANY other show on tv that’s more masculine and testosterone injected than “The Contender”? I mean, “Monster Garage” and its rival show with the father and son are all up there, but when the shit hits the fan, do they actually fight? Hell no. That’s all staged. These guys on “The Contender” are going to fight regardless. And the only other form of hand-to-hand combat that’s more savage than boxing is Ultimate Fighting. The funny part is watching this show with the promo commercials for the World Series of Darts. Are you for real? Darts? Does anything else say fat, lazy, white-men-can’t-jump, barfly, no-job-having more so than a dude who can rock you at darts? (and yes, this includes all ethnicities) Hard to be any more of an unathletic athlete than that.

Had another good practice with the Offspring today. Might have to get out there more because he is getting a beer belly. No, I ain’t give him no beer! Regardless, he’s learning and absorbs A LOT more than I anticipated. Should be some interesting results especially since he still doesn’t understand the rules of the game.

Did you know that Tom & Jerry is now Politically Correct? The Offspring and I saw one of the more inflammatory episodes where the maid in the house was the stereotypical big, fat, and black "Mammy" stereotype. At least, that's how it was when I was a kid. Tom was supposed to stay up and catch Jerry, but after a night of partyin' with the fellas the Pussy Lounge, he couldn't keep his eyes open. So Jerry proceeded to help Tom go to sleep so he could get is ass whopped by Mammy. Back in the day, the cartoon would go something like “To-MAS!!! Why you in hurh sleepin’ knowin’ dat mouse is runnin’ around in!” Then Tom would get the broom upside his head. Today we watched it, and she said something to the effect of “Thomas! Why aren’t you attempting to catch that mouse? Don’t you mice are dirty and unsanitary? Get that mouse!” I DEFINITELY don’t mind a more positive spin on how my people are depicted, but Phylicia Rashad I wasn’t expecting.

Looks like I’ve gotten my 1st White Girl Resume. She has potential given I grew in the suburbs too, but there are some other elements that may take some adjusting. The physical assets, however, are impressive. This resume deserves further review.

NAME:  Renaissance
ADDRESS:  Super white suburb of the city where it’s safe.
HOBBIES: painting my nails
                hiking in the forrest
              identifying North American birds and bird calls
              brushing my hair
              going to museums
LIKES:  crackers and cheese
          romantic movies
          long walks
          pop music and top 40
          putting on lotion
          trying on clothes- white women love to shop
DISLIKES:   coconut- white people hate coconut
               fake nails
               dry skin
               spicy food
Best pic asset:




5 comments:

prosine said...

Dude, I LOVE the Contenter! DON'T be dissin it! LOL!!

I have good whiteish girl assets too... fucker! LOL!

How's it goin' anyway?

prosine said...

OH yeah, you already have my resume of sorts... DON'T BE POSTING MY BEST RESUME PHOTO HERE EITHER!!!! LOL!

Brother Kojak said...

I love the Contender too. Reread what I wrote about it. Damn girl, you know that reading comprehension is going to be a part of your academic prowse this Fall. Wake yo ass up!

I don't have your resume, UV. I know how you do, but no resume. No, I won't post anything. Tempted, but I'll chill.

prosine said...

cHey, it's not September yet so reading comprehension be DAMMED!

As for the resume... what exactly does it consist of? Now I am curious. Maybe you should post a sample one here.

hmmmm... I am so easy to confuse.

Brother Kojak said...

Prosine-

See resume posted above