Friday, September 22, 2006


The next person I see who comes at me and touts that Farfegnuken shit, I’m gonna punch them slam in the face. Last night, my Farfegshitten landed me slam in a chain link fence on the highway. I was driving down Rt 97 in MD. One of the nicest highways in the state because of the few amounts of speed traps. I’m doing my thing when I notice the wheel begin to veer to the left. I slowed down to correct it, but when I did the car suddenly corrected itself and I went launching towards the shoulder. Only thru the Grace of God did I miss a light post but wore out the chain link fence. I unclenched my jaws (and my ass cheeks for that matter), let go of the steering wheel and rolled down the window. Good. I can get out if the door won’t open. But the door opened and I wobbled out. Up the highway I saw 2 vehicles pulled over. They must have called the poe-poe because one of them sat there until Trooper Friendly showed up. The first sentence out of my mouth was “Don’t worry, officer. Drinking and smoking were not involved, “ as I assumed the position.

OfficerFriendly: What are you doing?
Me: Huh? Oh….nuffin’. I can tell you right now drinking or drugs were not involved.
OfficerFriendly: yeah. Don’t worry about that. Are you alright?
Me: Yeah, I’m fine (fire engine pulls up)
AAFD: You ok? Do you need to go to the hospital? Any injuries?
Me: No. No need for a hospital. Although my shoulder is starting….
AAFD: Ok greatgoodluckbye. (Speed off to the nearest Subway to eat fresh)
Me: Damn. (watching them speed off)
OfficerFriendly: Can I have your license and registration, please?
Me: Ok. (trying to remember if I’m legit as far as tickets, fines, and interstate warrants.) Got it right here.
OfficerFriendly: (After running my steelo) So what happened?
I explained to him what happened. While the AAFD and OfficerFriendly were there, I was on the phone with AAA. Funny…after the accident that’s the 1st thing that came to mind: Somebody get me the fuck outta here. About 20 mins. Pass and the tow truck shows up. But check this out, it wasn’t Bubba with a bad case of butt-crackitis or Willy Bo who talks so fast you can’t understand what the hell he’s sayin’…..

It was my boy Deepak Manjeet?!?!?! Whoa! I have NEVER seen an Indian tow truck driver, let alone a Sikh. I was blown; life is just too damn wild sometimes. He puts the car on the bed and we roll out. After he left, I stood back and took a look at my “new to me” car. My little flashy Jetta with the boomin’ system and slick wheels and black paint looked like it got pistol-whipped by a massive piece of barbed wire. The current symbol of my life. Sleek and silkiness marred by a constant shit beating. The blessing is I walked away from it. Looking at the skid marks, I was about 3 feet away from a for real for real hospital stay. Thank God for that. (See? I told you guys you weren’t missing much. Ugh)


r. said...

my first car was a lime green farfrompukin rabbit... 1978... paid $300 bucks for it in 1991... my toolbox had to ride shotgun 'cuz that lil beotch liked to cutoff in every intersection... good luck with your little german wonder... (no - not me...)!

NeighborGirl said...

See, there you go blaming the Germans, always the damn Germans. Maybe it was all that whipping around corners and weaving in and out of traffic on those low profile tires. Huh, how about that?

Glad you're not laid out though.

Brother Kojak said...

I still blame the Germans and their crazy attempts at world domination, filling beer, and pro wrestler-sized women.

Blonde Ambition said...

Hey first car was a yellow Vega station wagon with that fake wood paneling shit! lol I'm gad to hear you are alright. :)