Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Iffin' It Were ME...

We all are different. Suprisingly, we men are different from each other too. Sure, you can qualify most of us as dogs, but there are different levels. Some are mere pups, some are pedigrees, other are just mangy mutts. I've been told that I was a pedigree dog. Low-end, but pedigree. I guess one way to exemplify this is by talking about New Years Eve.

Happy NewYears, Hon
The scene is Fells Point, Baltimore. This area is right on the water overlooking the south-side of the Inner Harbor. Probably the best view outside of being at the Harbor itself. The mood: festive. Everyone is in a good mood and the weather is being very cooperative. This particular gent strolls into one of the pubs that will go unmentioned. The plan was to meet up with a platonic friend and her friends. As the night flowed into midnight, so did the alcohol. We all know how things go when the liquor be flowin', the inhibitions drop. PlatonicFriend was very snuggly; leaning on Gent1, the friendly chest pat, arm rub, the whole 9. He is the knight for her and her crew as guys waaaaay to old to be hitting on their daughters' former classmates get staved off by him. When the clock struck 12, Gent1 escorted the crew outside to watch the
fireworks. Of course, PlatonicFriend got swept up in the moment and had hands ALL over Gent1.
On the cab ride back to the hotel (hotel of the crew, Gent1 is a local), the cab was packed with ladies and they all agreed that Gent1 should ride back with them regardless of how crowded the cab was. All are ridin' in a the cab, on of the crew was in Gent1's lap and PlatonicFriend was still touchy feelly smiley sitting next to him. They get to the hotel, and PlatonicFriend, wasted, wants Gent1 to come inside. Gent1 being the gentleman that he is, bid her a fair adieu. LapFriend explained to Gent1 that PlatonicFriend was a little salty that her boyfriend couldn't hang out. LapFriend asks Gent1 if he is SURE he doesn't want to stay. Gent1 declined based on his car still being at the garage 15 blocks away. He now bids LapFriend adieu and catches a cab to the parking garage to call it a night.
Iffin' it were me......
depending on the level of platonacy, I would have serious considered knocking that out. Ok, no, I WOULD have knocked that out. Not only would I have knocked that out, I would try to get a 1-2-3 out of it. If they said no, they just say no. But my guess is that there was enough alcohol involved to pull it off. So what if you get a 3some under the can at least put that in the book. **shrugging shoulders**

Happy NewYears, Hon II
Our next story takes place a little further north; Charles Village. Charles Village is a neighborhood that's so popular that a lot of the houses have been converted to apts. to accomodate the students, yuppies, and the working broke. The atmosphere is the same as above. GentII is another single guy, late 20's, good job. He decided to spend his time in a similar way, except this time it was bar-hopping.
He went to a favorite watering hole in Charles Village that too will go unnamed. He stayed there until about 2 and then when to one of his favorite watering holes where he stayed until 5. Here is our convo...
Me: So...!! There must have been a ton of New Year's Eve (NYE) bootie out that late!

GentII: Yeah. I guess.

Me: What do you mean you guess? What were you doing out that late without trying to get you some?

GentII: Man, I'm gettin' too old for that stuff.

Me: What???? Dude, you ain't even 30 yet!!!

GentII: I will be in a few months, man. Besides, I've seen some of my boys in their mid-30's trying to pushup on chics at the bar. Its not pretty.

Me: Mmm. If you say so.

Iffin' it were me......
I would have either set up some NYE coochie, or had my game primed up for the evening so that I would be taken at minimum a nickel-piece home. There is no way you can go out like that, fellas. NYE is mandatory bootie night. Even if you have to shell out some cash or deal the ugly chic down the hall, bonin' is a must. Now as a married man, its touch and go. It could go either way. But me with my own place, no roomies, no kids....uh uh. I'm speaking French all night!
Vous le vous les boning, cheri?


derek said...

I have thought that NYE is mandatory date night.

Mandatory booty night is your birthday. I don't feel bad not getting any NYE.

If I were the first dude, I wouldn't have gone there. I only like sober chicks.

Brother Kojak said...

Yeah Derek but sauced-up + sauced-up equals hot action with an excuse. "Well, you KNOW we both were drunk and all...." You see the logic?

prosine said...

Na Kojak, Derek is a nice guy... through and through. NOT saying that you aren't! You most def ARE too... he's just still young and has a few more ideals and morals than maybe some of us in the "older" croud!

Brother Kojak said...

Ahhhh! Good point. Play on, Young Buck!

Neckbone said...

K- you killed me with the Fell's post- and me are simpatico. Who the hell can leave a drunked-up opportunity like that go by the wayside? Either he's gay or getting so much action that his crank is friction-taped, because there is no man alive that's that nice.

Brother Kojak said...

Exaclty. I can't even fathom turning down even the most remote chance for that. I think I'm going to loan him a couple ounces of Pimp Juice. He needs it.

derek said...

here's a couple of reasons why I don't get it on with drunk women

I don't want to catch a Kobe

If it's good, I want her to remember that

If it isn't good, I want her to remember that (I actually got denied sex because I was good...she said "you know, if you were bad, I would have been inclined to give you lessons...but you were good so I can't do that". Sad, huh?

I'm no angel (thanks for the nice words though, prosine) but there are some things I don't do.