Friday, December 30, 2005

Kwanzaa: Kujichagulia & Nia

I prefer not to let this post be about what Kwanzaa is and what its about. If you are interested in learning more (and I hope you are) please visit
Not the prettiest site, but it breaks Kwanzaa down to a kid/basic level.

This is the day of self-determination, and I was DETERMINED not to participate. Why? Because it was hard enough to work and then make that drive in rush hour traffic, but to find out my mother wanted me to MC the event too???? Oh hell to the naw! I would have had to prepare a small speech, talk about stuff I haven't talked about since last So I got there without busting my ass and FloJo was MCing. Great! TheOffspring helped out and did a great job. I was very proud of him. Its great/odd to see him act mature and accordingly when you want him to. How about that?

The day ofPurpose. I was struggling with the concept because the only damn thing I wanted to purposefully with was the bed. The day before I made the mistake of being lazy and not going to the Laundromat until 11. The good part was that there weren't that many people in there. The scary part was the attendant. She seemed like she was 2 pills short of a lithium overdose. At one point, she blurted out loud as shit "LAUNDRYBAGS!" I thought it was some type of inner qualm she was having with herself but she was talking to another woman in the joint. And oh man she was trippin' when the show "Cheaters" came on. **same audible level** "THAT DON'T MAKE NO GADDAMN SENSE!! YOU GOT YOU A MAN, HE WORK AND YOU GONNA CHEAT! THEY MAKE ME SICK WITH THAT! IF HE AIN'T HAD NO JOB YOU BE CRYIN' ABOUT THAT! THESE WOMENZ OUT HERE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!!"
Uh, yeah. That was her at 1:30 in the morning. Only in B-more.

Needless to say the next day I was worthless and luckily my work day was slow. Earlier in the month I had been invited to a Kwanzaa celebration over my cousin's house. (Hmmm...I gave her a pseudonym a long time ago but I forgot it. We will refer to her as WasNotWas) Her idea was to invite all of her friends and family over for an evening of creativity. She bought a bunch of small low-end jewelry boxes, beads, strings, clasps, paints, brushes, and small canvases. In her dining room were copies of old magazines spread all over the floor. We were told to use all of the items to create something artistic. She also had a big canvas called the community canvas where each of us would paint or paste something on the canvas. I didn't do any of those activities being the literary ar-tist that I am **hehehe**. I decided to read 2 of my poems; both of which are here on the site if you missed them. (Today, What It Is) Luckily, when it was poetry time I didn't have to do the freestyle poetry which consisted of topics such as Lemirs and Thanksgiving Dinner, the Ramblewood Hood, Hit and Run, olives in CT, and Masturbation and Jelly Doughnuts. The freestyle consisted of limericks, haikus, and a rap. Hehehe....I have to add this; the freestyle began with WasNotWas on her stairs yelling "You ready for some poetry, bitches??" TOO Funny!
All in all it was a fun night. I'm so glad she came up with the idea; don't you just love artsy-fartsy folks?

Ok. y'all know me. There just had to be a caveat to the night, right? Especially based on my arrogance. So after I read my poems, I was approached by one of the many although one of the few lipstick lesbians in the lot. Convo below.

YouveGottaBeKiddingMe: Hi! You're WasNotWas's cousin right?

Me: Yes. **smile, of course**

YouveGottaBeKiddingMe: Hey, I really enjoyed your poetry. You and your cousins are very captivating with your eyes. Like they were talking directly to me when you were reading.

Me: **me "and my cousins", huh? hmm** Yeah, I guess its a family thing, huh?

YouveGottaBeKiddingMe: Yeah. **laugh** I'm from AZ and we just never have things like this. This is awesome.

Me: Hehehe...that's a whole different breed out there, I'm sure. Kwanzaa is recognized pretty well over here. I assume that's not the case there.

YouveGottaBeKiddingMe: Ohh no! Are you kidding? Not a whole lot of culture in AZ.

**short pause smiling at each other and nodding**

Me: Well, we were just about to head out, it was nice meeting you, YouveGottaBeKiddingMe. See you at the next shindig. **friendly rub on arm**

YouveGottaBeKiddingMe: Nice meeting you too. See you later.

Alright. That was the convo and here is the visual. I'm putting my coat on and look up to see this South American goddess approach me. Tall, thick and long curly hair, very modelesque. The first reaction is "Damn! Hot!". The second reaction is "Oh. She's gay. This convo will be like a business transaction." So that was my mindset. Now, when she stops to talk to me, she **and this is not an exaggeration** is in my personal space. Not near it, in it. I could have grabbed her by the hips and slobbed her down; she was just that close. Then something else kicked in in my mind "What the fuck is she doing? Ohhh!! Its the gay-girl-teases-str8-guy thing. I'm wit it." And yes, I have documented proof that this thing exists! **waving folded papers**

Women. Just when I think I got it, I ain't got shit. Single men, my prayers are with you.


Reese The Law Girl said...

Hahaha! Artsy-fartsy people come up with ideas for parties that I think are so lame, but then I go to the party and it's a blast. I feel you on that one. :)

derek said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
derek said...

I hate that...seeing a gorgeous woman all close to you that you can't, in good conscience (whether due to commitment or sexual orientation incompatibilities--in laymen's terms, she's a lesbian) go further with.

I do NOT envy that situation.

Brother Kojak said...

Reese: Yeah. WasNotWas be doing the damn thing. She was going to have a drag Halloween party, but luckily (for me)that was cancelled.

Derek: It WAS tough. However, it wasn't as tough as you may presume. I've been told by an unreliable source that lesbian women love to flirt with straight men for the Tease Effect. They know that they don't want us and know that we can't have them, but they love seeing us get all flustered by the tease. I've seen one lesbian give a guy a lap dance at a party...a DAMN GOOD one too!

Neckbone said...

"I could have grabbed her by the hips and slobbed her down"

K- letting you go was the dumbest thing Hallmark has ever done!

Brother Kojak said...

hey hey! I was just showing how close in proximity she was!

BTW....I was fired from Hallmark so I could collect unemployment.