Sunday, January 08, 2006

Why I'm Bitter

First of all, I stays bitter. That's number 1. Remember that.

2.) The fucken Redskins won. Bitches. There are so many reasons I hate the Redskins, but that is a totally different blog entry. Next week they play Seattle. Seahawks! Whip....they....ass!!!

3.) The fucken Steelers won too. The fucken Steelers. I despise those bitches. Why? Man...ok, first a little bit of history. When the Colts left Baltimore like a thief in the night on January 14, 1984 (if you are from B-more, you have to add the "like a thief in the night" part. It's mandatory when talking about the Colts. Seriously.), many people made the Steelers their team because of the proximity and the similarities between the cities. Also, during the recession of the 80's, a lot of folks moved from Pittsburg to B-more. Great.
So we have a lot of Steelheads in town and whenever they win on Sunday, you hear about it on Monday. Even better.

4.) Cub Scouts suck!! I'm so sick of that shit. It's so time consuming. The purpose is good for the kids but my heart really isn't in it as a Den Leader. To get together stuff all week for 15 over-privileged kids. I am seriously considering moving my son from the comfy cozy confines of his current Pack to a more gully, ghetto-ridiculous Pack in the hood; in a pack where widdlin' actually means how to cut the handcuff chains off your wrist.

5.) I didn't workout all weekend. I have to do it because I wanna look mad sexy for my graduation party. How close am I? I look like a Black, dredded version of Grimace; the fucken milkshake from McDonalds back in the day. Hot garbage.

6.) When you are single and your woman gets on your nerves, you fire her ass. When you married you have to call Siontz and Kirk, Attorneys at Law. So instead of laying down the pimp hand, you lay down like a bitch. Aint THAT a bitch!

I was talking to someone this weekend about a harem. Damn that would be the shit! Not just sexually either. You go fishing, one of them could bait the hook, hand you the remote, call downstairs for you.....**sigh**
thats just problem exemplified. It would be easier/better to just be asexual. I think I'll work on that for 2006. No coochie, EVER! Just online games, figurines to paint and trade, blogging, work, and the ocassional trip to the driving range. Porn? Strip club? Who needs it when I have Clash of Heros.

Hehhhee. That's funny. I had to stop typing I was laughin so hard....


Blonde Ambition said...

Grimace???? I do NOT think so! lol As for a're trying to have women pound down your door to beat your ass on those comments aren't ya? Actually I am about to start reading a book called Courtesan.....the author's first book was called Harem....lmao I'll let ya know how it goes.

Blonde Ambition said...

oh yeah.....leave my Steelers alone damn it! And this is coming from a fan who is non-transplanted (is that a word?)

neighbor girl said...

Siontz and Kirk? You know they only handle personal injury right? Shit! That's bad.

And the harem... all five wives, PMS, at the same time... sure you want that?

Brother Kojak said...

BA and NG: There is no way I could handle that. Its all in good writing humor/fun.

NG: I'm sure they'd take my case. Somebody has to pay for those commercials.

r. said...

speaking of bitter - a few of us, all single, went out together for valentine's day a few years back. when we got to copeland's there was a line out the yingyang - so when they asked our name, I said Bitter... you should have heard the place erupt when the guy announced over the loud speaker, "ummm, Bitter party of 7, Bitter party of 7!"

Brother Kojak said...

LOL!! I can see you doin that shit too, r.

Reese The Law Girl said...

Man, where do I start with this post...

1) I hate the 'skins too. So, why was I mildly happy that they won? I guess it's from all of those years as a kid when I was a 'skins fan. But, now I know better than to root for a racist team like that.

Bad Reese, bad! Boo the 'skins, boooo!!!

2) I don't know nothin' about the Steelers.

3) I don't know nothin' about the cub scouts. Girl scouts sell good cookies, though. ;)

4) Grimace! Ha!!! LOL!

5) It's true, Siontz and Kirk are ambulance chasers. You know what, though? I always wanted to moonlight as a divorce attorney. Looks like fun, actually. Maybe after I'm done being a fed I'll do that.

If I had it my way, I'd specialize in how to get around pre-nups. I already know 4 ways to get around them as it is. ;)

Brother Kojak said...

Damn ain't shit. How to get around pre-nups??? Ugh!!! Yes, you were born to be an attorney! Trife livin'!! But you still my girl.

1.) You hit the nail on the head about the Skins. I've never seen an organization go all out just to KEEP the racism going. Ludicrous.

Also, when I was in 3rd grade (I STILL remember this shit...), we were forced to sing and memorize the "Hail to the Redskins" song. Needless to say, I ended up with a C instead of a B for Mr. Horrocks music. Fuck him AND that class!!

(I told you I stay bitter)

derek said... know, blonde, I liked you until that Steelers comment.

Kojak, I would feel you about the Steelers thing...if Baltimore wasn't the reason why many Browns fans had to root for the Steelers during the time where Art Modell ("F*** Art...but Ozzie's cool") stole the Browns before a new team could be assembled...I want Seattle to open a big-ol can of whoop-ass on the 'Skins. I want Seattle to beat them so bad that they are listening to Kurt Cobain records all the way back to DC.

Brother Kojak said...

Thats right!!!
Except for the Art thing, We of course like Modell around here.

Derek and Neckbone: Neither of you gents had a comments about the 2005 Cowboys? Porquoi? (or however you spell that french shit)

derek said...

Well...the 'Boys blew it...there isn't much that can be said. The only thing worse than having my lovelife is being a kicker for the Cowboys. At least, I know if I will be single the next day!

If they get TO, they might make it over the top.

derek said...

What's wrong with Hell to the Redskins?
"Hell to the Redskins
To hell with those bigots
You need a sink put up your ass
that includes the spigots"

They were also the last NFL team to integrate.

derek said...

We used to diss people by calling them Grimace...just what the @#$#@% was Grimace anyway? Did he bleed shakes or something?

Brother Kojak said...

Damn had a lot to say son-SON!

THAT...I didn't know about the Redskins. Fucked up all the way around huh?

I think Grimace was a damn milkshake. How creative....a walking talking


derek said...

reminds me of Aqua Teen...except that shake left his cup on.

Maybe Grimace had a wardrobe malfunction. I know he left the women cold when he...never mind.

Yeah, I think Bobby Mitchell was the first black 'Skin. It's on his hall of fame page here.