Friday, December 24, 2004

Observations & Phobias

Everyone has a phobia. My cousin, spiders. My mom, reptiles. My e-wife, anything green served on her plate. Me? Well, I have an odd one. Rats.
Mice aren't problem. After I size them up and see that their not rats, I'm fine. I think that phobia started when I was about 12. We were having guest over for my grandfather's funeral. (an aside...why do relatives come over YOUR house, sleep in YOUR accommodations, and feel it is, YOUR priviledge to pay for all the long distance phone calls they make knowing damn well they don't no-damn-body at home?) My grandparent's house is in the hood in B-more with alleys, abandoned houses and all of the things rats love to thrive in. My cousins and dem decide since it was such a lovely day and it was too inconvenient to leave the damn back door closed, then hey, let's leave it wide open. And just our luck, a rat scampered into the house. I saw him first...I sat at the alcove me watching him watching me. I stomp with a seemingly intimidating "HA!" can I explain this.....ok, if the the rat had fingers on his paws he would have gave me one and said "Shiiit! What dat mean? Fuuuuuuck you!" And trotted up the stairs.
There's more to that store but maybe I'll get to it another time (upon request only).
So, back to the present I go into the kitchen to get some water. I was in a decent mood, humming and shit. When I approach the kitchen, I hear this scratching and shredding of paper. I'm like "wtf?" Suddenly, I was caught up with the phobia. The first thing that I thought was "damn, is that a rat or a mouse?" scratch scratch "damn, sounds kinda loud...might be a rat" scratch scratch scratch " squeaking. I guess it must be a mouse then" scratch scratch "Hmph! Either way, I ain't fucking with him tonight!" And I went to bed.
The next morning, I forgot all about the incident. Until.....!
scratch scratch scratch
"Damn! he still in there! I guess I better man-up and get him out." So I go outside and get an old rug, slowly pull the trash can from underneath the sink. Then I take the old rug and cover it to calm the critter down. I then take the covered trash can and dumped it in the big trash can outside. Whew! Another phobia conquered! Temporarily.

I had 2 observations for you guys but I forgot one of them. But the other one, is hard to forget. I'm sure most of you have seen the posters and billboards for Samuel L Jackson's new movie "Coach Carter". Looks like an interesting movie except for the fact that Samuel L Jackson is play a stern yet compassionate role. Hard to imagine him saying to a ball player "Hey, its ALRIGHT. Just focus and shoot the ball. We believe in you." But WE ALL know Samuel L! Ant gonna be none of that. It'll be more like " SHOOT THE BALL MUTHA FUCKA!! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS??!?!? YOU TAKE THE DAMN BALL. AIM IT AT THE BASKET, AND THROW THE BALL IN THE HOOP!! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, MUTHA FUCKA?!?!? ARE YOU NEW OR SOMETHING???!? JESUS CHRIST!!"
SHOULD hmmm....should be interesting to see.

Ooh! Here's another observation. There is a live action "Fat Albert" movie coming out tomorrow. The previews say it sucks. The commercials say it sucks. But I say, go see it. Why? To pay homage to my childhood. Darkness disagrees. He feels that if a movie sucks, it just sucks and why bother seeing it. E-Wife feels that one should go see it, but only matinee. (such a Libra...always in the middle) This is the dilemma of the black man today. Pay homage to see a seemingly bad movie, or say "no! my financial advancement is more important than a Bill Cosby brain-fart." Please, comment and help the black man make this most crucial choice.

Ok...I got one more because I can talk about movies all day everyday. There is a movie coming out called "White Noise". Its about this man who hears voice from the dead thru some for of electronic media. Now, here is my question: why is it that everybody claims that the dead have so many great and revealing things to say? Consider this.....dumb and annoying peaople die too. Don't you think that they are STILL that way even if they could talk to the living? Don't you think that instead of "Angela, you must beware of the short Mexican man with the Disney World hat. He is of bad will..." yada yada yada you might hear something like "Hey! I can snap my toes like you can snap your fingers!" or "Every globe I've seen has a line around it called the equator. If I go to South America, can I see it on the ground?"

See? I be thinking man....I be thinking!


Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the e-wife. Be prepared! Wear that big t-shirt. Take you a back pack. Stop at your favorite fast food joints and pick up some grub. Then stop at the local Walmart and get some candy 3/$1 and go see the matinee. While the movie is playin you start to throw down on the grub. Always works for me! But I'm just sayin, you know? Do what ever you want.

Brother Kojak said...

This person must be nuts. I ain't going to Wal-Mart for SHIT!

Anonymous said...

Why you gotta be so damn picky? If it makes you happy, go to the nearest dollar joint! But whatever you do, don't by the candy from the movies!

Anonymous said...

Why does he have to be a short Mexican? Wha...wha...uhh..what you tryin to say??

And about the dead, some of them have talents and didn't have their 15 minutes of fame! Or consider this, what if they are that dumb to think there's a line at the equator. So what, as long as it lets them rest in peace! Let the dead folks be! ;-)

Blonde Ambition said...

First off.....spiders are my thing....I don;t care if they are teeny tiny or huge tarantulas! Get a daddy long leg near me and you have never seen me move that fast! lol I have had pet rats by the way...they make pretty good pets....kind of clean actually hehe

Second off.....go see Fat is a flash back and everyone can always do with a visit back to childhood memories when times were much less complicated. Of course I am sure it is a holiday rip off and only good enough for a matinee but then again I only ever go see matinees lmao

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