The _______'s

Oh man! So I didnt post about the 1st practice for our band. The _____'s. The 1st practice was good considering it was the first one and it was a straight jam session. A bass, a sax, and guitar. I was pleased though; very pleased. I got antsy about the self-proclaimed FunkyFemaleGuitarist guitar player joining us, but knowing how wishy washy musicians are, I wasn't holding my breath for her to show up.

But damnit, lo and behold if FunkyFemaleGuitarist did in fact show up. And like the DOC, it was funky enough. It seems like because of the make-up of the band we are going to be a jazz meets funk, funk meets jazz type quartet. Personally, I would love to add some hip hop into the mix. I have to work on my partners though; I seem to be the only true hip hop head.

So what's next on the plate? We've decided on 2 grooves, practice, practice, then open mic nite. Boom.

Weekly Update

Hey good people/monkeys. I don't have a ton of time so I'm going to give you guys a crappy summary of my week. It matches since my week was so crappy.




1.) I saw "Rollbounce" on cable the other night. The movie really really entertaining. It was black kid bubble gum and a throwback style which I could relate to. BowWow did a pretty good job. The movie was really well cast too; there were a bunch of kids in the movie who we've all seen as child actors from just a few years ago. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

2.) Keep the prayers/good vibes going for PrettyPussy(Cat). She is having some family issues that she's dealing with. Keep your head up girl. I'm proud of you because you are such a damn soldier.

3.) Saw Heidi Tuesday. Yes, people. That is going to be my regular hang out on Tuesday. She and the band are doing a great job given the limitations. And check THIS shit out...she gave me a hug! I 'bout died. OOoh ooh! AND she talked to me after the 1st set too. She likes chocolate and happily married. **snapping fingers** Damn.
The word on the street is getting out about the gig so if you are in DC you might want to check her out.

4.) NeighborGirl and I had a convo that she deemed bloggable so I will regrettably share it with you. She asked me if I remember the little cupcakes that parents make for kids in school that had the little ice cream cones baked with them. I said barely but I remember moms bringing some cakes and cookies. Some were good, some were bad, but the worst one was the food I bought in one day. It was international day in junior high school and I decided to bring in some nachos and cheese. Why did I get the great idea to heat REGULAR cheese on the nachos? So when it was time to eat out international flavor, I had a big lump of nachos with cheese goo. Brilliant. To add shit on top of shit, I was determined to win the costume contest, so my mom took an old curtain, and cut it into the likeness of a pancho. The print was perfect, but uh...yeah. It was a damn curtain. I wore that shit, had my lumpy nachos, and STILL ain't win. Sweated my ass off walking home because my makeshift pancho's hotness factor. It sucked because it was cool walking there; like cool like the fonz, cool as in temperature. Walking home I remember it being hot as hell though; sweat running down my back to the crack of my hot, curtained ass. Got so bad that I just took the pancho off and put on my stinking gym shirt that was festering in my locker all week. So instead of being damn near faint, I decided to smell my stinking as the full 1.5 miles home. Again, brilliant.

5.) I had a phone interview with one of the Big Six Thursday. Why they calling a nappy-headed brother like me from a Tier 3 school I don't know. I haven't heard anything from them so they must have changed their mind. The resumes are flying like propoganda during the Cold War. Its past that time to make a move.

6.) I have a song stuck in my head....I can't get it out either. But it's really catchy.

Don't have much to say
but I called you anyway
to kiss your
lips in
cyber-space.

you have to hear it; smooooth. Bilal Salaam.



This weekend calls for sun, fun, food, drinks, and maybe some lotion for my dry dizzat.


Peace out monkeys.

Weekend In Review

Weekend Notes

You know you’re repulsive/creepy when:

A woman walks into a restaurant; she avoids eye contact with you but knows you’re looking at her. (Description: skyscraper tall, shoulder-length auburn curly hair, and a caramel complexion) I would turn around every now and then to check her out, but one time I turned around and she went out the other door. I KNOW I wasn’t leering at her, but my looks were just enough to gross her to the point of going out the other door. Stuck on busted.

Can there be ANY other show on tv that’s more masculine and testosterone injected than “The Contender”? I mean, “Monster Garage” and its rival show with the father and son are all up there, but when the shit hits the fan, do they actually fight? Hell no. That’s all staged. These guys on “The Contender” are going to fight regardless. And the only other form of hand-to-hand combat that’s more savage than boxing is Ultimate Fighting. The funny part is watching this show with the promo commercials for the World Series of Darts. Are you for real? Darts? Does anything else say fat, lazy, white-men-can’t-jump, barfly, no-job-having more so than a dude who can rock you at darts? (and yes, this includes all ethnicities) Hard to be any more of an unathletic athlete than that.

Had another good practice with the Offspring today. Might have to get out there more because he is getting a beer belly. No, I ain’t give him no beer! Regardless, he’s learning and absorbs A LOT more than I anticipated. Should be some interesting results especially since he still doesn’t understand the rules of the game.

Did you know that Tom & Jerry is now Politically Correct? The Offspring and I saw one of the more inflammatory episodes where the maid in the house was the stereotypical big, fat, and black "Mammy" stereotype. At least, that's how it was when I was a kid. Tom was supposed to stay up and catch Jerry, but after a night of partyin' with the fellas the Pussy Lounge, he couldn't keep his eyes open. So Jerry proceeded to help Tom go to sleep so he could get is ass whopped by Mammy. Back in the day, the cartoon would go something like “To-MAS!!! Why you in hurh sleepin’ knowin’ dat mouse is runnin’ around in!” Then Tom would get the broom upside his head. Today we watched it, and she said something to the effect of “Thomas! Why aren’t you attempting to catch that mouse? Don’t you mice are dirty and unsanitary? Get that mouse!” I DEFINITELY don’t mind a more positive spin on how my people are depicted, but Phylicia Rashad I wasn’t expecting.

Looks like I’ve gotten my 1^st White Girl Resume. She has potential given I grew in the suburbs too, but there are some other elements that may take some adjusting. The physical assets, however, are impressive. This resume deserves further review.

NAME:  Renaissance

ADDRESS:  Super white suburb of the city where it’s safe.

HOBBIES: painting my nails

                hiking in the forrest

              identifying North American birds and bird calls

              brushing my hair

              going to museums

LIKES:  crackers and cheese

          romantic movies

          long walks

          pop music and top 40

          putting on lotion

          trying on clothes- white women love to shop

DISLIKES:   coconut- white people hate coconut

               fake nails

               dry skin

               spicy food

Best pic asset:

A Night With Heidi (Finally!)

WARNING: This post is going to be very chatty and sporatic. We talkin' about my girl now so....yeah. AND blogspot deleted my 1st 2 attempts.

So I'm on the phone with NeighborGirl talking and looking for the jazz spot. I find it, peek thru the window and "Oh my God. That's Heidi! Gotta go..." and abruptly closed the celly shut. I walk in, and I must have had the stupidest look on my face because she immediately smiled at me. The convo with me, Heidi, and my innards went something like this:
Heidi:Hi! Thanks for coming.
Me:**stupid grin and mumbling something incomprehensible**
Innards:rwaaarrwwwwaw...RRRWWA!!
Heidi:**smile** How did you find out about the show?
Me:Uh....I got the thing, the uh...in da emails. Uh...
Heidi:You mean the flyer?
Me:Yeah, YEAH! Yeah, son...I mean...yes. I'm on your mailing list so I saw the flyer and decided to come out.
Heidi:Really? I have you on a mailing list? Wow....when did you get on the list?
Me:Well...I...uh...signed up for the list a while ago.
Heidi:**smile** Oh ok. I thought you saw my myspace page.
Me: You have a myspace page? Damn I hate that site.
Heidi: Yeah, I hate it too, but its so easy to use, it’s a good way for musicians to stay in touch, and I can make announcements without using the email broadcast. **shrugging shoulders**
Me: Great…now I have to create a page just so I can see what’s going on with YOU! **smile** As a matter of fact, I’ll make it when I get home.
Heidi: Alright. I’ll check and see tomorrow. I’ll be looking for it. **smile**
Innards: rwgrwgragarea---awwww-RWRARRR!
Me: YEAH! I mean, yeah. The thing is about the mailing list, I did it a while...let me just say it. I've been trying to keep tabs on your performances for a few years now, and this is the 1st one I've gotten to see since Blues Alley.
Heidi: **gasping** You remembered me from THAT performance? Wow, that WAS a long time ago! That is so sweet! **touching my arm**
Innards: OhmyGodshetouchedme, ohmyGod. Reduce blood flow to lower extremities and take evasive measures! We gotta keep this dummy from tipping over!
Me: **gulp** Yeah I guess. It’s just really good to see you live again. **shifting nervously back and forward**
Innards: **dizzat throbs twice**
Heidi: Why, thank you! It's nice to know that I've kept a fan for such a long time.
Innards: RWAWAAWWRRRR
Me: Garsh. Umm...I'm going to let you finish setting up and I'll set...uh...over here...on this long this thing. BENCH! I'll be over here on the bench. Well, not like in baseball...this bench over here. Yeah. Uh,....have a great set.
Heidi: Ok! See ya!
Innards: Hurry to the bench! HURRY TO THE BENCH!!! We are loosing control of major bodily functions!!!

So I quickly stammered to the bench to gather my bearings. I let my heart rate decrease by checking out my surroundings. It was a typical DC yuppie place; marble bar, tiny rest rooms, small kitchen to serve tapas, floor space for sitting not dancing, and a slightly elevated stage for performers. On the brick walls were pictures of people from the African and Indian Diaspora; REAL freaky. All of them had this blank stare into the camera that was truly unnerving. The crowd was mixed but dominated by lesbians, mostly manly women with a few lipsticks thrown in.
The band then began to play; the music de jour were 2 heavy r&b’ed up jazz pieces, not bad. Not my thing, but I was listening. Then…
“Ladies and gentlemen, now making her way to the stage, the talented Miss Heidi Martin.” She walked on the stage and thanked us all for being there. After a little pow-wow on the stage, she began to sing “Black Ghandi”. Mmmm. That’s all I got to say about that. And as if her voice weren’t sexy enough, I noticed that she has this habit of humming/singing a song right before the band starts playing. Yummy. 3 songs were sung and we applauded the set. Heidi stepped off the stage, and sat right next….to ME! (Well, not exactly next to me; the bassist’s stepson was sitting next to me.)
Heidi: How was it? How was the sound?
Me:**looking at StepsonSon as if to say “dude, say something because I’m so tired of stammering.”
Step-sonSon:Oh it was good. The guitar was a little strong, but still a good set.
Heidi:** looking at me waiting for my input. **
Me:Well, yeah. He’s right. The place is small enough that it’s not that big of a deal, so it still sounds good. You might want to turn your mic up a bit though.
Heidi:Oh ok. Hmmm. I was wondering if you guys could hear me.
Innards: Get that stupid grin off of your face, boy! Damnit! We need a distraction but she is right here. Shit!
**celly rings**
Me: Ahh. I better take this…excuse me.

So I take the phone call outside where there was more cigarette smoke than inside. When I get back in, I just realized that I had someone sitting next to me for the past couple songs. Hmmm! A rather out of place looking woman; she had a conservatism about her that screamed civil employee. But nosey me had to find out more.
I was going to put in the dialogue about this convo, but it’s too long and is of no great consequence. I mean not to say that she was boring, but this is a Heidi post, HEIDI POST! Actually, it was a good convo. She’s a teacher (boom) with classical voice training. She actually got a lunch lesson from Heidi the next day.
So the last set began and both my new friend and I were struggling to keep our eyes open during the ungodly hour for a weekday night. The set went great sharing commentary with my new buddy. The STUPID, mad kool part was when the set was over and they were about to wrap things up when some dude yells, “Do another one!” The bassist goes “What do you want to hear?” Then. Silence. Impulsively, your boy BK shouts, “ Do a poem! Do a slam!” At this point, Heidi was in her chair packing her music and getting ready to roll out. Then she looks up, dead at me and says, “you want me to do a poem?”
Now….let me digress for a second here. Y’all remember that Whitney Houston video “Run to You” when she is in the white dress singing all seductively and the wind blowing thru her hair? Yea, that was me envisioning Heidi saying to me:

Heidi: **breathlessly** You….want me…to do a poem…for you my sexy dredded Nubian king? To put your soul, your spirit at ease…from the safety and comfort of my warm welcoming bosom…. The fruits of my….


MEANWHILE BACK AT THE CLUB, everyone was looking at me, but luckily they couldn’t see my engorged dizzat….

Innards: Wake up, jackass and answer her!!
Me:UH…YEAH! A poem.
**audience claps as Heidi agrees and steps to the stage**

Oh man! You talking about tight! Heidi did a poem while the band did a jazz number in b flat. It was a great way to end the night. I got in my car, with the biggest, pumpkin-eating smile on my face. I called PrettyPussy(Cat) and I must have sounded like an idiot talking all fast like BandCampGirl and squealing like a mouse dragging a trap. No Man Points last Tuesday; I left them all on the bench thingy at the club. Fuck it. I shared time and space Heidi. **sigh**

Fucken Blogspot

you know, I should have known better than to try to blog and then save what I've written on here. I had 3/4's my experience with Heidi (http://www.heidimartin.com) typed up and ready to go, and I come back here today and the shit is gone. Back to the damn drawing board.

Note to you monkeys: I do not hate white woman. Stop emailing me stupid shit. Find something else to get mad at like slavery in Africa, corrupt politicians, the piss crust around the rim of your toilet bowl. This blog is for my mental health and your entertainment. You don't like it, don't read it and peace out my face. Never been with a white chic and I'm not ruling it out; as a matter of fact I'm taking applications.


Yeah....let's do that. WHITE GIRLS ONLY! Send me sure personal resume and a best asset pic. Maybe its time to sample the vanilla milk.


**rolling eyes**
I'm out like whoa.

No TTTT Today Because.....

 This Summer...Tuesday Nights...begins JULY 18th!!!
HEIDI MARTIN

w/ MICHAEL ANTHONY BOWIE

Janelle Gil~p Mark Prince~d Alvyn White~g

perform originals

http://www.michaelanthonybowie.com/

http://www.heidimartin.com

TUESDAY NIGHTS AT BOSSA LOUNGE

2463 18th St.NW, Adams Morgan-Washington, DC, 20009 202-667-0088
Cost: 2 drk. min/sets at 9:30pm and 11:00pm (JULY 18th-opening night)

 

Vocalist/composer/arranger, Heidi Martin...

NEWS: Heidi Martin was one of six finalists in the London International Jazz Competition, which featured 107 competitors from 25 nations.

Check out the latest news & recordings from Alone Together cd :http://www.heidimartin.com

Heidi Martin Music
© Pisces-Gemini Publishing Company, Ascap.

---

My Week Just Got Better Exponentially

The
girlishy sexy Stacey Dash is naked in Playboy!!

There IS a God, and let the church say AMEN!!!!

TTTT: Naked And Assed Out

We'll get to the TTTT in a bit but I have to vent 1st. If you buy a brand new car, still got 30 day tags on it, why in the FUCK would you already put decals and stickers on it? I don't know if I've mentioned this kat before (JimiBuffet), but it was his car. I could read the stickers, but I'm sure one of them was or had something to do with stupid ass Margaritaville. Damn he's banged up.

Due to a change of plans I decided to call the Ian(P) against the advice of r and have a meeting with her this evening. I made a couple phone calls and got the low-low on her and I'm good to go. She's a Hall & Oates "Maneater". What out, boy...she'll chew you up!

Um....why does my co-worker like to rub and pull on his lips when he's reading something? He already look like one of the damn Simpsons, don't make matters worse! Hehhe...when he first started, one of my other co-workers used to call him Barney. That shit was funny until I guess released that that hurt his feelings so he stopped calling him that. Funny, but banged up.

And speaking of banged up, let's talk about me. I get up this morning to take a piss. 5:35 AM. I go to the bathroom which is literally 3 feet from the bedroom door. I piss. I come out and my dad greets me. 5:35 AM. "Morning."
Besides being 5:35 AM, what was unusual about this morning greeting? I was bare ass naked. Yes. Naked. Why? Well it was hot last night so it was one of those RARE occassions I rocked a b-day suit. So I'm coming out of the shitter, I peak out, and as soon as I take that 1st step, POP! There he is. Perfect. Fucking perfect.

So...share my pain. What was YOUR most embarrassing moment of nakedness?

Go.

I Can't Hang

Man....I was going to go to GayPower's cookout today, but I'm really not up for the seeing a couple of men wining on each other. Ish. I ate some hot dogs last night and even though that was hours ago, I'm SURE them bitches would be coming up if I saw that shit.


Very lazy day today...trying to figure out how to get resituated given some unforseen financial mishaps. My brain has also been flowing with some decent entreprenuerial ideas so that's been marinating on my brain too. The offspring and I will be doing football drills as soon as it cools off. This is Week 2 of our spring training camp; so far so good.

No decision on meeting the -Ian(P) yet. Not sure I want to make that drive. I get so damn lazy on the weekends. BUt I can't get too lazy because my ass is broke until next pay. I will be sweating my balls off in the kitchen in a effort to save some cash by fixing my own meals. Wish me luck.

And then came Sunday...

I didn't meet with the Ian(P)this weekend; too much pressure. Not sure if I'm mature enough too do business with a hottie. If she's what I've been told, I'd be too distracted to deal with anything involving real estate. Sa, so sad the mind of the man.

I Hate Everybody

I have this song in my head called "Lay It Down" by Dwele. Stuck. The worst part is, all I know is the hook. I do know any of the verses. Oh well.

Mad drama over here. I don't want to discuss it because most of you come here to get your laugh or "hmmm...that's interesting" on. So we are gonna keep it light.

Isn't it amusing when you know a man who as just as nosey as a woman? Noseyness gossiping are things usually associated with women (except for Lou Ferrigno in The King of Queens), but every now and then, you get a guy who just can't help himself. My boss hurt his ribs on the 4th. He called in and said he had a rib injury and left it at that. When he came into work today, my one co-worker was all in his business: "What happened?" "Did you go to the hospital?" "Did your wife notice?" "What medication are you on?" And you could tell by talking to him that he didn't want to answer a whole lot of questions because most of the answers were yes or no. I asked dude "why you interrogating the man, Walter Cronkite?" His reply was "I'm just curious." Curious is Standard American-English proper for nosey. Y'all ain't know that, did you?

Ever been jealous of someone you don't even know? I have a friend who has a crazy wild sex life, and periodically she does the 3some with this couple. How lucky is THIS mu fucka? A sista AND a latina at the same time??? Playing with my emotions. Some kats just have it made like that; me, I do my majic with internet pics and some dollar store lotion. I hate everybody.

Weekend should different. My cousin GayPower is having a cookout. From the looks of it, I will be the only straight one there. Again, I hate everybody.

Just got a call from this real estate agent. She wants us to meet this weekend to discuss business in her state. Now, its not likely that I'll buy there, but one part of me says not to rule out all my options. Now, the dizzat waggin' caveman in me says "Hmmm....rumor on the street is that this chica is HOT. You should go just to see what she looks like." Trife livin' on my part. I'll just have to play it by ear and see what I do. Hard to resist a sexy Panamanian. I feel myself oozing out of the chair when she talks. Mmmmmm....

My ShouldBe wife will be in town in a couple of weeks to perform. OMG....I don't know if I can handle it. That voice, the way she throws her hair bag when she hits a long soulful note. Szszszszszs! I think remain seated the whole time and I'll wear 2 pair of underwear just in case I loose it.


HEy! I'm blogged out and shit! Only thing I can think about is Philly, boobs, Panamanian peas and rice, and chocolate martinis. Why...I don't know. Well, I know, and somebody out there knows...and on that, I'm peace the fuck out.

Shmoozing II

So last night I went out shmoozing again; brown pin striped suit, patterned dark tan shirt, striped tie the color of the suit, the stripes on the suit and a complementary green, and of course, the chocolate slides. I wish I had a funny story about it, but I don't. It was a typical "who are you?" mosh pit of executives for a dinner that was the cost of a lease payment on a Pontiac. It was so rough, that me, the King of Schooze, only got 1 business card. Long night too...from 5:30 until 9:45. The upside? OPEN BAR. And no, the BK did not get lit up. As a matter of fact, everytime I hit the bar I would say "rum and coke. easy on the rum" There was no way I was gonna get caught and be so comfortable with someone that I'd say something retarded like " BOB! What up, SON?! You holdin' it down?"
But those things are always fun to me. I surprise myself how I can be so comfortable in that situation and still go to the barber shop and everything is "mutha fucka" this and "nigga" that.

Today is Tech. Services Hawaiian Shirt Day which included a Mexican Buffet. huh? I don't know, don't ask. All I know is that when it was time to do the group pic, I was GONE! Happy Hour is tonight so we shall see how that goes. The co-worker I don't trust will be there so I'll make sure to pop in and then pop the hell out of there. Thats all I got for now...you monkeys be safe.

I Got A Case of the Reese's

I gettin' like Reese now, I feel I have absolutely nothing to blog about. Actually, I have a ton of stuff to blog about, but it's really too painful now. I can say this, you don't really know yourself until not only when the shit hits the fan, but when you can smell it. That's where I am not and it would be an even bumpier if it wasn't for my girl DancesWithJesus (yes, there is a story behind the nickname). Thanks, luv. You are a God-send.

One good thing about living in the Baltimore/DC area is the incredible diversity and the number of festivals that go along with that diversity. I've already missed 2 festivals just by blinking. This weekend there is the somewhat-insane Carribbean Festival in DC. My goal this year is to go to both the DC and B-more festivals and juxtapose the 2. I've never gone to both so its high time my old ass gets on it.
The 1st comparison will be DC's Carribean Festival. The Festival takes place on about 8 blocks of Georgia Ave. Floats go by from different area Carribean clubs. The Trinis usually truly represent, but every now and then the Yardies do their thing. Personally, I will nuetral. I'll watch some of the festivities, walk up the street to be with WhatAboutMe and her crew as they DJ on Georgia Ave.
Inappropriateness.
Hey. Friendship is unconditional, right? Then why come I have no problems ignoring this email from a friend even though its for her to go to Thailand and get surgery?


Hi,
Just out of curiosity...
anyone in town on July 4 and able to take me to the airport at 6:00 in the morning?

Shiiiiiiiiit! I ain't the one! Not only would we have to be friends with benefits, those benefits better include ALL of the orifices.



YO!!!! Vida Guerra is naked like whoa in Playboy!!! Life is good. damn good.

Same Shit...Different Era

In this day and age, we see a lot of multi-ethnic children and interracial couples all over and thats a good thing. It's something I'm used to from upon until I realized one important thing, SOMEBODY has got to give SOMEBODY some. That doesn't always fall in the realm of the same race. But all jokes aside, its good because it means that we as Americans are more accepting of one another.

Maybe.

Racism is still a factor in our day to day lives except now it so underlying its hard to detect. About 10 years ago, I was considering not attending the Million Man March. First of all, because I'm not the greatest fan of Minister Farrakhan. Secondly, because I was listening to the jounalist propaganda of how this march may become violent due to the size of the crowd. What was implied? "You black bastards can't organize shit without police being involved." I talked to Cannonball not to long after that and he said "If we scared of our own people, why bother even waking up?" True to life on that and the March was not a prob because I didn't see any liquor bottles, drug sales, or ass-whippin's. Pop a collar to that!
Ok, I digress because thats a sore spot with me. The point is that the media really tries to keep us Black people "in our place" just by the way some information is dictated. This morning I just happened to be watching the Today show. The update was about the Duke Lacrosse team rape. And as the host (I don't know the new host's name) asked questions to the correspondent, do you know that not ONCE did he refer to the women as such or victims, or even accusers. Each time he made reference to them, they were referred to as strippers. I wish I had a link to the video so you guys could see it, but I waited too long to blog. The underlying message was that these women don't get the consideration that other women do either because of their occupation or because of their race AND occupation. Hmmm.....last time I checked a victim was one who has been violated in some way, an accuser is a person who has accused someone of wronging them, and a woman is a homosapien who has the capability/capacity to bear offspring. The last time I checked, these 2 strippers are all of the above; yet are not referred to as such. Even if both of them are full of their and somebody else's shit, don't they deserve that much respect? To at BARE MINIMUM be referred to as women? Accusers? Victims?

Marinate on that.....

TTTT: Let's Try That Again!

Alright damn it! We gonna do this shit again!

You...Uglor...Why
Go

AND

name the 5 celebrities/atheletes who you would love to party with and why
Double Go

TTTT: "You sho' Is Ugly!!!"

Hey monkeys. This week's TTTT is about dating that UGLY kat/chic. You had your reasons, but all you know is that in the street you always got the 2nd and 3rd looks because your partner was stuck on busted. You dated Uglor, but why? How what did you do when you were in public?

Go.

Yeah, It's Me Again

Wow, I'm such a shitty blogger. I have been busy with my grad party, 10 days of unsupervised Daddy Duty, job search, and a couple of summer projects, man I'm swamped. Oh yeah, and my feeble attempt at getting laid. All huge time takers.

My grad party in summary was small but mad fun. My mom and her buddy went straight ghetto (even though we were in one of the million dollar neighborhoods of Bowie) and made the craziest drink concoction I've ever seen.

1 large sweet watermelon
2 Smirnoff Ices (the one with the orange top **shrug**)
3 1/2 a bottle of Jamaican Brandy
4 3 seconds of white Bacardi rum
5 A heavy dosage of "DAY-um!"

Just to give you an idea of the crowd reaction and vibe, the elixir filled a typical punch bowl, but was gone in about 20 minutes. Whoa. I tried to throw the game on an old classmate, but she didn't have enough of it. One more cup and I would have boning her on the hammock.
And the music? Bangin'. My girl WhatAboutMe did her thing like whoa. She spinned some NeoSoul, Rawkus flava hip hop, and some new and semi-old school hip hop. Oh yes, we got our party on. You missed it.

10 Day Daddy Duty
Mrs Kojak went to Cali for a week. That left me on full daddy duty. Single moms, my hats off to you. That's some work and a half right there. I tried to soften the blow and mutual boredom by checking in at the Sheraton for the weekend. I got a steal of a deal on it and we had a ball. What was odd was the a couple of things.
1.) If you are a participant in a Bar/Bat Mitizfah, is "Everyday I'm Hustling" very befitting for the festivities? Probably. It just didn't match to me.
2.) Who listens to go-go north of Laurel, MD? The next day was a party, looked like a wedding reception. They had a band, an all female go-go band. To those of you who don't know what go-go music is, go download some Junkyard Band, Chuck Brown, or Rare Essence. Oh! Remember "Da Butt" from the movie "School Daze"? Or, a more modern effort is "It's Love" from the "Who's Jill Scott?" Album. Personally, even though I grew up in Arlington, I can't listen to go-go longer than 20 minutes. When you hear the real gully stuff, you'd understand why.

Job Search
You know, when you do a job search and you have experience, landing the next job can be easy if you are just looking to do a lateral move. But when you are attempting to climb up AND somewhat change your desired field, that's when it gets complicated. I'm trying to find another gig, and instead of doing the techie thing, I'm trying to do the business thing, business strategy to be exact. So far, so fair. The good think I've been politicking with some serious heavy hitters; one the VP of a bank, the other two are execs from the State of Maryland. I'm on meeting #2 with one of the state execs, on pause with the other, and the bank VP I've already met. We met at one of Baltimore's most swanky spots. I was impressed by myself, I kept track of all my forks and never dropped my napkin on the floor. I was sweating like a beast though. Not because I was nervous; he eats and shits just like I do, but because it was hot and muggy as shit that day and here I am with shirt, tie, and jacket (all required for the SwankySpot). All and all it turned out well; he is going to be a good source of leads to other heavy-hitters.

Summer Projects
Over the semester, I was attempting to set up a network for a transitional home in the city. VERY difficult with no money to work with. What I will be doing is attempting to continue on with the project and then passing it on to the next set of people from school that will get involved. The other project is to make the website I worked on (well, was supposed to work) this past semester work even better.

Whew! See what happens when you don't blog for ages? And y'all see you STILL ain't miss a damn thing!

TTTT: Ashes to Ashes

It has come to my attention that there are some white people who don't know what ashiness is. No, it has nothing to do with smearing the ashes in the fireplace on you, but it has to do with the lack of the good lotion on your body. White people get ashy too but because of their complexions, its harder to see. When your ass is as black as mine, ash stands out like a brother at the Grand Ole Oprie.
So the Tell The Truth Tuesday of the week is: When was the most embarassing instance of ash? (For example, going to workout and your knees look like they've been dusted for fingerprints)


Go

TTTT: Happy Mother's Day!!

First of all, if you haven't read it yet, Reese has a new post on her site that is not necessarily funny, but culturally cute. Check it out when you get a chance.


I know its late, but Happy Mother's Day to the remaining mothers who read this blog. And since this is your forum to tell it like it is and how you want, why don't you share with all the non-mom the one thing you are NOT allowed to talk about on Mother's Day, the thankless, grotesque, heinous, "I should have kept my draws on" crap you have had to deal with as a mom. Nothing cutesy, but the really shitty shit. And please, more of something specific as opposed "My daughter is a bitch" or "my son is an asshole"

Ready? Go.....

Ever wonder how people perceive you? I found out a couple days ago that someone who is an industry heavy-hitter told a colleague that he found me impressive. Me. Shit-talking, joke-making, Brother Kojak. Its amazing what some people see in you, and just as amazing as what some others DON'T see.

Do you know what blocking is? That's short for "cock-blocking". That term is no longer PC and blacks don't say "cock" so it got shortened to just blockin'. There is this kat at work, let's refer to him as ChiefBlocker...dude is ALWAYS blockin'! He blocks on all the young women too, but particularly the one I referred to as Blondie some time ago. I don't know what's changed from then til now, but dude has changed. Like the last time I went over there, I barely got in the door before he jumped up with the handshake "how you doing, BK? Everything alright?" Everything be alright if you let me talk to the person I intended to talk to and peace out my face. Shit!
Today was no different. My boy/co-worker DoubleR went there today to fix Blondie's computer, and before he could sit down at the desk "Hey! What's up? What you doing?"
"I'm..uh....fixing this computer."
"Oh, oh. Ok. That's cool."

Then he's working on the computer and she mentions that her computer at home is all banged up for some reason or another. ChiefBlocker says "Yeah. What you need is a man to come over there and fix that for you." Ok, note the strategy behind the block. Here DoubleR is, a computer pro while ChiefBlocker is not. Yet he still says "You need a man to come over and fix that..." Insinuating "Hmph! This mutha ain't no man. He might be able to fix a computer, but he still ain't no real man. I might be able to fix your computer AND I'm a real man." DoubleR was not or never will be trying to get at Blondie, and yet; the block. Its a damn shame. That's his steelo, block until blocked. Now I'm curious about what's going on between those two. According to my sources, absolutely nothing. I think the Chief needs a nice warm hug from another man while he's told "It's ok, brother! I'm on your team! We can do this together. You ain'ts got to block, man!"

Unfortunately, I've been blocked by him too many times. Its on now! Not because I want to get at Blondie, just on GP. I can't go out like that; doesn't he know I got a Phd??(playa hata degree)



And I ain't making any trips anywhere! My ass is broke!

Imma Soldier

Celibacy. Hmph! Fancy that.

I'm going to try and blog today, but I have so many crazy things going on in my life I don't know what's kosher to blog and what's not. Don't worry, its all legal. The best way to say it is my wife is pissed at me; this time it may be perpetual.

MMM. Ever eat salt and vinegar chips? They have this weird effect of like scratching the sides on my mouth making me feel like a victim of a bad Botox injection. They good though!

Weekend was pleasantly uneventful. Gorgeous all weekend too. Sunday I stayed home and chatted and watched indie movies. PrettyPussy(Cat) called and asked me wtf was wrong with me. I said nothing and her response was "Something's wrong. you sound pathetic." Pathetic. I have NEVER been called pathetic. So with that. I went to the mirror, looked at myself and said "Aight, man. You've moped around long enough. You have 15 more mins of acting like a pussy and then thats it." After that, the rest of the day was great. Watched movies all day, played on the computer, then had dinner with my mother and son. All good stuff. But before I forget, I would like to thank PrettyPussy(Cat) for being such a great friend all these

Today I get an email from one of my advisors. He asked me to come meet him so we can talk. I get there, and he tells about how one of the contest advisors (Baltimore's Mosh Pit) was impressed with me. You ain't think I didn't shoot dude an email?!?! Shiiiiit! For better or worse, I'm an opportunist. And when it comes to the job market, I'm a fox; when you leave the henhouse open, I'm taking me a chicken!


Hmmm...celibacy...chicken. I think tonight I will fantasize about eating baked chicken off of an asian chick with big boobs.