Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Dichotomy of Target and WalWart

First of all, I would like to congratulate PrettyPussy(Cat) for passing her Real Estate exam. Woo Hoo!! Rock that gold jacket girl!!

So I wanted to buy a gift someone at Target today. Why Target? Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I hate Target. And because of the website my friend-in-hiding Zoph found, I hate Sam and Dem even more. I would rather go the extra 5 miles to get a crisper, more efficient, friendlier-service experience. I hate to say it, but even though the 2 giants consider themselves competitors, they have 2 different consumers. WalMart has the I-graduated-from-the-projects/trailer park customer. They really don't care what or how the shit is thrown together, as long as its priced right. Target's customer base is the minivan-mommies/Movado-watch-wearing/Whole Foods-shopping folks. I must be in the later category because I'd rather go to the proctologist than go shopping at WalMart; at least you're getting something constructive done.

And so begins the dichotomy a la Brother Kojak:

I hit the Target parking lot and found I did not have to park damn near 3 blocks away like at WalMart.

In front of the Target, are about 8 giant, red, hard plastic balls that you will always see kids climbing over as they follow their parents to the entrance. These balls also act as cart-stops. At WalFart, the only thing in front of the store are some raggedy-ass, discontinued 3rd World reject, forever-splintering (even if its plastic)playground "system". The red balls don't move at Target, but Sam and Dem know that a weak parent is sucker to whining child..

One my way in, I almost get run over nervous looking suburban mom. You know me; I chalk that shit up to Accepted Priviledge; something that could happen at either store.

Just inside, I notice the next difference (well, outside of the clean floor, walls, no roaches smoking Marlboros at the mini-McDonalds, and the increased lighting); Sam and Dem would NEVER not have shopping carts available inside. The more shit you can stack, the more Sam and Dem line their pockets. But it actually was an inconvenience because I thought I needed one. I'll manage.

This next thing has nothing to do with the store, but the clientele. No one tried to run me over with a cart or accidentally smash the shit outta me with a big ass pocketbook, or rush to get in front of me only to push their cart at a snail's pace. I actually was able to walk down the aisle without problem.

Now here's what blows my mind; even though WalFart caters to a more frugal group, why is their shit higher? I got a B-more Ravens tee (to be seen soon....hehehe) for just under $8. Boom. Similar shirt at WalFart was pushing $15.

Ok, the last and final juxtaposition. The check out line. Yeah. I get to the check out line and...wait...what is this? I have....a CHOICE?? A Choice of standing in regular line with 1 person in front of me or walking down to the very last aisle where there is, can it be? Holy Monkey Shit there are TWO FUCKEN EXPRESS LINES!!!!!! I won't even GO there with Shitty Blue.
(this is where I dance in a circle in slow motion smiling and embracing myself)
I get in one of the 2. Uh oh. No price tag. Oh shit...oh no...NO!! I'm having a WalFart Flashback! I'm in line, behind Ester from Sandford and Son, and behind me is Reba McIntyre and her cretin children yelling and fighting who claim to be siblings but don't look shit alike....getting....light-headed....must....must...
TargetGirl: Sir? SIR?
Me: OhmyGodwhereEsterandDem?
TargetGirl: Excuse me?
Me: (in crazed look with sweat bubbles) huh?
TargetGirl: Huh?
Me: huh?
TargetGirl: What?
Me: Oh.
Somehow, the cashier next to her (obviously knowledgeable in the study of Shopping Primordialism) knew what the deal was and held it down before I kirked out with the flashback escalating. He looked at the tag and said "Oh. This is fine. Just type in this number (pointing) with code XYZ and that will give you the right price." Sure the FUCK enough, that was the right damn price. Shall I exemplify the Sam and Dem experience? Do I REALLY have to go there? being hard-headed..."(loud as a mutha fucka) Hey Tadesha! Get a price check on dis shirt. Oh! And bring me a box of Stayfrees on your way back. I'm crampin' somethin' ter-rible!"
(15 minutes later...) "Damn bitch! Took you long enough! Get Tammy over here so I can leave and take care of my shit. Damn! And I JUST got these unda-wears too!

On the real though, Target seems to do a lot more community service, even if its just monetary. As far as Prince Georges County is concerned (and I have 1st hand knowledge of this), Target is the slam dunk with a score of about 5 to WalMart's 0. 5 being the number of community initiatives Target has donated to in Prince George's County. I'll always be a WalMart hater. And I don't know...WalMart bashing is becoming a fast growing enthusiasm of mine. **smile**

I'm out.



chaparritadeoro said...

LMAO!! This is too funny! You are in rare form tonight BK. But I have to add something. How could you forget to mention the 30 yr old, 300lb shopper who broke-a-nail-while-eating-ribs and that alone gives her reason enough to use a electric cart that goes grrrrr......grrrrr.......grrrrr? Gotta watch out for her too! She'll run your ass over.

Brother Kojak said...

HAHAHA!! That's funny as shit! Wrong...but funny.

Reese The Law Girl said...

LOL! Stayfree's over the loud speaker?!?! That's just not right!! ;D

PS: Stop ruining the fun on my blog. ;)

Jen said...

Finally, someone who sees things my way. I've always said I'd be fine if I never had to go inside or even near an Asshole Emporium (sometimes referred to as Wal-Mart) again. I hate the people that work there and I hate the people that shop there.

Target on the other hand is just about the best place in the world...except weekends when Towson kids are moving in. Then it sucks big time.

I found a blog written by people who love Target if you want to check it out:

Thanks for making me laugh!

Brother Kojak said...

Your welcome, Jen. And thanks for the invite, but I think I'll pass. We Black folks still have issues with anything that references the word "slave".

derek said...

If I am a slave, I will be a slaaaaaave to the rhythmmmmmmmmmmm.

Now I have Grace Jones on the brain...