Thursday, July 28, 2005

Scaring The Little White Children

I'm back y'all and all was well. Atlanta to me is just a big, small town with a lot of gay men. What I mean by a big small town is that as big as ATL is, the people seemed pocketed in their little areas. Like when me and Glueman went to eat in the food court of the mall, the first day people were staring at us like martians. Then again, who knows why they were staring. It could have been because we were strangers, they thought we were gay, or both. You talking about self-conscious! We never stood close to each other and no physical contact. What was funny was how the waitress at the one bistro sat us next to eat other instead of across from each other. The only thing that seemed to work was bringing Glueman's female co-worker with us.
The flight down there was a little rough, but tolerable. I will confess too...then brother was broke. I had to give a family member an emergency loan but Glueman spotted me down there. When I got off of the plane, I ran over few people to get to a restroom bigger than a 3x3 coffin. I headed to baggage claim. I waited. And waited. And waited....In the course of all that waiting I observed a dad and his son having a dispute. Poor guy. It was obvious that he was a divorced dad who only sees his son periodically and was trying to enforce some disipline. Damn was he failing. Josh (age 9ish) wasn't having it. He didn't give him the finger or anything, but he was truly dissing his pops. I thought the man was gonna cry. Of course, Brother Kojak had to intervene. While I was on the phone with Glueman giving his my status, he mentioned food. My response "Oh hell yeah I'm ready to eat. Man, I could eat just about anything right now and put it on the barbeque. YOU know how they do down here! As a matter of fact, I might just eat this little kid standing next to me." Me and Glueman thought it was funny, but I think Josh pissed on himself. I think dad overheard, and graciously told Josh to come on dragging him somewhere across the Baggage Claim. Soon after I realized that I was at the wrong carousel in the first damn place. Retard.
At the rather plush hotel I met up with Glueman, his sexy co-worker AuNatural, and this drunk auditor named Mike. I ordered the Big Ass Nachos and went to town saying little, eating a lot. The next day I rocked a dark brown with blue pinstripped suit to politck with the decision-makers. It went fairly well. Its hard to tell when you impress some people and when you don't, especially this crowd who always have someone under suspicion. The only way that I may have made a favorable impression was by folks remembering my name. I made out prety well with that.
A few thoughts about the ATL: not my kind of city. I don't like big, small towns (except for Austin) and I'm pretty homophobic. Worst of all, I hate seeing so many homeless people. Not because they scare me or I'm intimidated by them, its because in my teens I used to do a lot of volunteer work for the homeless. Also given the facts that 1.) Atlanta is probably the wealthiest city in the South 2.) they are trying to propose an anti-panhandling law that would arrest a beggar the 3rd time he/she is caught by the police. Ok, instead of having the police search out panhandlers instead of real criminals why don't they propose to get these people some place to fucken live???
My trip ended with a bang literally as I was disembarking the plane. My bag accidently swung backwards and knocked the shit out of this little old lady. I apologized, but when I turned around she had this look on her face like she was gonna whoop my ass. I got gully on her ass and said "I SAID I was sorry! Damn!"
Alright...there's more, but I've gotten a complaint here and there about my lengthy entries. Hey, don't y'all know y'all are cheap therapy for me?


Neckbone said...

damn, do I love Austin. Best barbeque in the world at Stubb's, IMHO. Great town.

Brother Kojak said...

what I liked about Austin was the live music EVERY night. Now, some nights were more Margarettaville than others, but I still was feeling it.

Desiree said...

yeah. that was a bit long. But hey, it was good.

Reese The Law Girl said...

Okay, I am not a big fan of Atlanta, either. I always feel so self-conscious there. Like, at the mall, the chicks are all dressed up. Like they're about to go to the Video Music Awards or something. Everybody seems so into what they're wearing and what car they're driving.

Also, I can't understand what anyone is saying. Talk slowly and enunciate, please.

Ughh, way too much for me. ;p

Kira said...

You forgot to mention how annoying the airport is, especially the stupid talking train in the airport.

Brother Kojak said...

Reese: I didn't notice that. I just noticed the martian looks I got. Also, I went to Tuskegee for a while so southern drawl wasn't an issue either.

Kira: You get bitter about the train? The train is a NECESSITY at that airport. besides, I usually run the concourses anyway because I'm too dumb to follow directions.

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