Also let's introduce BumpySmurf. This mutha fucka STAYS bitter. He has something to bitch about all the time.
Now; let go eat good in the mutha fuckin' neighborhood....
Ghetto Smurfs enter.
BoricuaSmurf: Oh!! Dis place is faan-cy an' shit! Check it out!
PapaSmurf: Whateva, bitch. You don't know shit. Calm your mango-eating ass down.
BoricuaSmurf: **rolling eyes**
CookySmurf: Yeah, this place ain't shit. I bet they ain't got no pig feet up in here.
Hostess: HI! Welcome to Appleby's! How many in your party?
Papa Smurf: Bitch, can't you count?
CockDieselSmurf: Raise up PapaSmurf! She just doin' her job...With fine ass self.... (grabbing his jank) ha-ha-HAA!
Hostess: **blushing** uh..I..uh...thanks?
CockDieselSmurf: **sticking tongue out** Sho you right! hehehehe....its 6 of us, sho-tay.
Hostess: Follow me please.
PapaSmurf: **behind her**Hmph...she DO gotta phat ass. If she wasn't so goofy, I'd put her ass to work.
TrickSmurf: Papa!! Come on! Behave!
BumpySmurf: Man, FUCK behavin'!
**All are seated and the waitress approaches**
Waitress: Hi my name is Shelly and I'll be your server this evening. Can I get any of you something to drink?
BoricuaSmurf: PapiSmurf, I want a sangria. Plee-ase???
PapaSmurf: aight. Get her one of those and I want a Bud. What the rest of y'all want?
TrickSmurf: I want a Strawbury Daquiri
CookySmurf: Gimmie a Bud.
CockDieselSmurf: Me too.
Waitress: **to BumpySmurf** What about you, sir?
BumpySmurf: FUCK YOU!!
Waitress: Excuse me???
BumpySmurf: You heard me, FUCK YOU!!
TrickSmurf: Shut up, boy. Don't pay him no mind, girl. He A.D.D. or some shit. Or just plain stupid.
BumpySmurf: FUCK YOU TOO!!
PapaSmurf: Just bring him a beer too. Thanks.
Waitress stomps off. Returns later with a basket of bread and drinks.
CookySmurf: **chewing greedily** Damn! These rolls is alright! Hey BoricuaSmurf, gimmie your bag so I can take a few of these home.
BoricuaSmurf: Sorry, papi. I beat ju to de punch. I'm takin' deez shits wif me!
CookySmurf: **rolling eyes**
PapaSmurf: Cooky, can't you just make some yourself, man?
CookySmurf: Yeah, but shit! I can take these and sell dem at mushroom. At no cost man! No overhead, n'yamean?
**in unison** OOOH! AHHHH!
CookySmurf: See? SEE? **pointing at head** I be knowing shit, man! I drops that knowledge, son!
CockDieselSmurf: I feel you, dawg! **bumping fists** Here come the waitress. I'm ready to get my grub on.
Waitress enters getting in squatting position.
Waitress: You guys ready to order?
PapaSmurf: Yeah, we ready. What you ladies want?
BoricuaSmurf: Ok, do ju have bacalao?
BoricuaSmurf: Bacalao. Ju know, de fish wif de tomatoes, wif de sazon....
Waitress: Uh, no ma'am.
BoricuaSmurf: **sucking teeth** Ok, what abou' arroz con pollo?
Waitress: I don't know what that is.
BoricuaSmurf: **SIGH!!** Daamn! J'all don't got shit!
TrickSmurf: Bitch, this aint no Spanish restaurant! Look at the damn menu.
BoricuaSmurf: Fine. Ju got chick-kon fingas, right?
Waitress: **sighing in relief** Yes. We have that.
BoricuaSmurf: Ok. I take dat.
Waitress: You ma'am?
TrickSmurf: Just gimme dat dish wit the skremps.
Waitress: Huh? Skremps?
TrickSmurf: Yeah. You know, skremps.
BumpySmurf: I HATE skremps!!
CookySmurf: Bitch the word is "shrimp". Damn!
TrickSmurf: whateva. **rolling eyes and sucking teeth** That's....what...I want.
Waitress: **too PapaSmurf** And you sir?
PapaSmurf: Gimmie dat grilled fish, with some rice and veg-a-tables.
Waitress: Great! And....
PapaSmurf: Wait. You ain't ask me what I wanted for desert?
Waitress: Well, sir, you haven't eaten your meal yet?
PapaSmurf: That's alright. I know what I want.
Waitress: Oh, ok. **fumbling with notepad.** What would you like?
PapaSmurf: You and that FINE ass or yours. Mmmm mmm MMM!
Waitress: **blushing** Uh, thanks.
PapaSmurf: **grabbing her arm, gently** Uh huh. Don't thank me until PapaSmurf show you what's REALLY good. And Imma tell you this here....
**BoricuaSmurf and TrickSmurf look at each other and roll eyes**
PapaSmurf: What's gonna happen is, you gonna give Papa that good number, and he gonna call you and then take you out and show you how a REAL smrf can Smurf. Ya feel me?
Waitress: yeah....I...I think I do.
PapaSmurf: Now go'on and do your thing. Papa gonna come get cha when he ready. **wink**
Waitress: **smiling** OK
CockDieselSmurf: Lemmie get that Atkin's Favorite with the chicken.
Waitress: Got it.
CockDieselSmurf: Yeah, I'm trying to keep the guns, tight. **flexing bicep**
Waitress: **looking at CockDieselSmurf then PapaSmurf** That's nice. I'll be back with your orders. **walking off**
BumpySmurf: HEY!!! What about me and shit??
Waitress: Oh? How about "FUCK YOU!! I HATE taking your order!" **walks off**
BumpySmurf: **mouth wide open. All Smurfs bust out laughing**
TrickSmurf: Wait. Y'all here that?
CockDieselSmurf: Oh no.....oh shit....
**sound of a long car horn to the tune of "La Cucaracha**
**All together** IT'S ESE-SMURF!!!!
CookySmurf: **looking out the window** DAMN! AND he got TP with him!
PapaSmurf: Shit. I'm out. Imma go get my swerve on before they embarass my ass. **leaves the table.**
Enter Ese-Smurf. Along with him is TrailerParkSmurf.
Ese-Smurf: What's up, Homes? What you guys doing?
CookySmurf: We 'bout to eat. What da fuck you want?
TrailerParkSmurf: Now, now, Cooky. We was JUUUST in the neighbor, and we saw the smurf-mobile. And we figured we could drop by and say hi.
Ese-Smurf: Yeah. We just came from doing some bzness. We got some good deals on some hubcaps, Homes. You interested?
BumpySmurf: Fuck hubcaps!
Ese-Smurf: Damn, vato! You gots to chill, homes!
BumpySmurf: Fuck dat!
**Waitress enters** Here you guys go. Oh, more guests?
TrailerParkSmurf: Yeah! We were just about to set a spell! **takes a set**
TrailerParkSmurf: Oh, I'd LOVE a beer, darlin'. Can you get that for me?
Waitress: Sure. And you sir?
Ese-Smurf: Yeah, chica. Gimmie a Corona and shit, man.
Waitress: ok **walks off**
TrickSmurf: You know, TP, its rude to have a hat on at a table with ladies. Why don't you take that shit off and pretend to be a gentleman.
TrailerParkSmurf: You right, you RIGHT! I'll just put it right here on the table.....
**before he can place it on the table, its obvious that the hat should remain on TP's head due to the once-white now dark brown brim. Also noted are the grease and oil stains all over the hat and its now weird smell**
TrickSmurf: UH UH! Put it back on. **clutching her stomach** Put..it..back...ON!!
**Ese-Smurf approaches BoricuaSmurf** OH! Pollo de dedos. **putting thumb on one of them** Did you want that, chica?
BoricuaSmurf: Oh hell no! Ju DID NOT just put ju hands in my fuckin' food! Oh fuck DAT, man! **begins taking off her earrings** Ju don' be doin' dat shit to ME! Imma fuck ju up as sooon as I take dees e'rrinks off! Fuck sat shet!
CockDeiselSmurf: **standing between the 2 of them** Easy, easy,mami! See what you did, jackass? She bout ta light yo ass up!
Ese-Smurf: **talking with mouth full and laughing** Sorry, Homes. I was hung-gree.
CockDeiselSmurf: You know what? Why don't y'all 2 just raise the fuck up outta here before I light BOTH y'all asses up my damn self.
TrailerParkSmurf: Al-right, al-right. We'll leave. C'mon, Es-saySmurf. We need to push these here hubcaps anyways. **both getting up**
CookySmurf: Uh....wait one minute, mutha fuckas. Where your money for that beer?
TrailerParkSmurf: Oh! I fig-gered one of you kind smurfs can smurf me a beer.
CookySmurf: SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTT! I ain't smurfing you shit! You better pay for that mutha fucken shit!
TrailerParkSmurf: Well, there's a problem, buddy. Since we ain't unloaded them hubcaps, I sadly do not have any currency at this moment in time. But I'd glad trade you the hula-hoop that's around ma pro-pane tank on the trailer. **putting his hand on Cooky's shoulder.**
BumpySmurf: I HATE hula-hoops!
CookySmurf: Get the fuck up off me, man! **standing up** I'm 'bout to wear your ass OUT!
TrickSmurf: Wait a minute y'all. Wait a minute. Y'all 2 just go, please. CD, you KNOW you on parole and Cooky you don't need no more drama. Fuck it.
**exuent TrailerParkSmurf and Ese-Smurf**
CockDeiselSmurf: Yeah, betta had left. Wait til I catch they ass back at the Village.
CookySmurf: Mmm mmm.
**enter PapaSmurf, folding a sheet a paper**
PapaSmurf: I'm back, they gone? If they were here while I was here I know there would be some shit.
CookySmurf: Yeah. You missed them and there was some shit anyway. Shit....what did WE miss?
PapaSmurf: HehehehheHHE! You know how I do.
CookSmurf: Got that number, huh?
PapaSmurf: No doubt. I'll have her tricked out in 'bout a week. Let's eat, mutha fuckas.