Thursday, March 02, 2006

Stuck On Bastard

**Now playing: "I'll Be Around", Cee-Lo**

What's up monkeys? BK's latest development; stuck on Bastard. That basically means that whatever I seem to do, I get the bastard designation and its coming mostly from the finer species. Umm. Why a bastard? I think because I've reached an age where if a problem arises and I think I can't resolve it, I kind of take it with a grain of salt. This really seems to upset women; the fact that you are not as upset as they are. Case in point; I have a classmate who apparently had a shitty day at work. During the day, she asked me to come by and help her with her homework. I told her, and I quote "we are pretty busy today, so please don't hold your breath." Didn't get a chance to make that. When I saw her last night in class, I got the eyes AND neck rolling. You white guys don't know nothin' about that, but when you get the neck added to eye roll, you are about to get it. And the brothas know what's next: one hand on the hip and the other with the index finger prominently pointing in air at shoulder height rotating. "Hey, sorry I didnt make it Un-hotChristianAmazon. We were really busy...."
Un-hotChristianAmazon: **eye rolling begins, followed by the neck roll, which quickly conjoins the postion** Umm hmmm! I see how it is. Ask BK for a little help, and he "pretends" like he busy at work. That's aight though. You KNOW Imma remember that!"
Now what gives me the Bastard designation is my reaction. I have this reaction to all things "Hmm. I guess that's a problem, huh?", I laugh.

Not a sinister "Hahahaha dumbass!", but a reactionary, "Oh man this is awkward" laugh. The problem with that is, those who know me personally know that I laugh frequently and stay on Jokes. So when I laugh, the first thought is one of condescension. It comes with 10+ years of marriage. As a man, we are reactionary. You can either get defensive, offensive,laugh, cry, or knock the shit out of the woman. I usually take the 3rd option which has seemed to be almost as detrimental as the any of the rest.
So that's been me all week, the Bastard, El Híbrido, Le Hybride. **shrug** I'm just old to be sweating every detail. I'm turning into my grandfather; the answer to a woman's needs is either with your wallet or you best David Copperfield impression.

5 comments:

Blonde said...

I love and miss you.


Im blogging again, you bastard.

Brother Kojak said...

See? SEE????

Y'al see that???

~KC~ said...

Men are the same way. Im forgetful and I get alot of the eyes rolling and the "I see how you are" too :) I have a male friend who often asks me to hang out after work, and I always tell him I will let him know because I am ALWAYS busy. I have yet to make it. Every day I get a "yeah, if you would ever show up!" and the eyes rolling and the shaking of the head. Im pretty sure he thinks I am a bitch by now.

Gonna try to blog a bit more :) Ive been kind of MIA but for good reasons!! :)

Brother Kojak said...

Man, ain't nobody tryin' to hear about your love life! And yes, I'm str8 hatin'.....

Michael Newfoundland said...

Funny...