Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Hassan CHOP!

Do y'all remember when I was trying to get my machete sharpened I scared all the little latino children? Well, I STILL haven't gotten my shit tightened up. Glueman's father-in-law was to sharpen it, but he stormed off of the golf course and went home sans machete. Oh snap! I GOTTA tell y'all about that:

Glueman and A-Train (Glueman's trainer) were on the golf course and invited FIL (father-in-law) along. Like all golf courses, there are usually 2 places to tee off. This 1st hole had 3; one for the good hitters, one for scrubs, and one for old men and ladies. A-Train teed off where the pros did, and Glueman at the scrub spot. FIL decided to go pro even though he hadn't played in years. A-Train hits his ball. Then Glueman. On FIL's turn, takes his swing and whiffs it. 2nd attempt. Whiff dois. The course marshall sees this and says "Sir, you might want to move up to a different tee because of your skill-level."
"My skill-level, huh? Alright." he responded. On the way to his ball he grumbled the entire time to Glueman. When he got to the ball, he hit it again, a little better than the first, but still shitty. Another marshall came by and offered some asssistance. " Sir, would you like a ride up the hill to your ball?" FIL's response?
"Fuck you, fuck this course, and fuck this game." Picked his shit up and walked away. Keep in mind this is a 74 year old man who is sem-handicapped. He walked the 2 miles to Glueman's house and went home.

Hehehe...that's too funny, but back to my machete. FIL was supposed to sharpen it, but because of the golf fiasco, I doubt he did. I need it because I use the machete to chop overgrowth and ward off stray dogs. Yes, stray dogs. We have a stray dog problem in the neighborhood and when I see one, my shit needs to be ready on my hip, son-son! Yesterday was the first day that I cut the lawn without it in a few years. Luckliy there were no stray dogs, but there was plenty of overgrowth. I had to get the 2 hand cutters to cut shit down. That's just no fun. I get that feeling of the ancestors when I'm choppin', or I can pretend to be a maniacal Rastafarian. "Bloodfire!! I and I a chop yurass!!" Hey, it makes work fun. So I had to get the cutters, snap the branches and move them away. With the machete I could have just kept chopping until the shit was dust. So yesterday's yardwork was some shit, I quit after about 45 minutes and did like FIL "Fuck you, fuck this yard, and fuck yardwork."

3 comments:

neighbor girl said...

I'm sorry but that is just funny. F-U-N-N-Y! Maybe a little sad, but mostly funny!

r. said...

reminds me of when we had a couple men come over to cut down some small trees in the back yard... when I got home I called my friend and said "DAMN I got 7 mexicans with machetes hangin from my trees"! They had just climbed the trees with their machetes tied to their belts and were hackin away... that shit was crazy!

Brother Kojak said...

See?? you see???! They knew their shit and how to do it. That's just how you supposed to do the damn thing, NeighborGirl.