NeighborGirl: hey
Me: hey
Me: wassup
NeighborGirl: not much
NeighborGirl: I'm a little lit, just a little
NeighborGirl: I sent you an email earlier, before I had a drink
Me: ok. let me go check it out
Me: what you drinking?
NeighborGirl: jack and DietCherryVanillaDrPepper
NeighborGirl: that's the only way diet cherry vanilla dr pepper tastes good, with jack, otherwise it's some nasty shit, but the liquor makes it tolerable and a little nifty
Me: oh! how did that taste?
Me: nifty....very good
NeighborGirl: I don't, however, feel sophisticated, I read an online study about how beverage makers are adding flavors to their soda as an attempt to market to women and their sophisticated tastes
Me: oh?
Me: like DietCherryVanillaDrPepper?
NeighborGirl: after drinking the dietcherryvan... crap I just feel normal, and a little like Dundalk, where they need all those extra flavors to amuse themselves
NeighborGirl: so their you have it, sophistication comes out rather low-class in the end
Me: lol
Me: excellent break down
NeighborGirl: not bad for half lit if I do say so myself
NeighborGirl: liquor must make me a hay philosopical or something
NeighborGirl: philosophical
Me: nah....I can contest to that though
So remember that crap I told you I read about the beverage companies
adding flavors that appeal to women to make them feel more
sophisticated? Today I drank a Diet Black Cherry and French Vanilla
Pepsi Jazz and it was soooo sophisticated you will never believe what
it tasted like- Pepsi and cough syrup. It was just like back in the
day when I was 15 and I'd sneak a little of my dad's whiskey in a glass
and mix it with shit trying to feel grown-up. Good old Pepsi beat me
to the punch, I never thought to mix in cough syrup with my soda and
whiskey. How's that for sophistication! I hear the Diet Strawberries
and Cream Pepsi Jazz tastes like Pepsi and Jolly Ranchers.
I'd continue this email but I have to go sit in a leather arm chair,
puff on a cuban, and drink my Pepsi and cough syrup so I can feel
important.
4 comments:
ROTFL!
Seriously though, all of those flavors just sound nasty, not sophisticated.
Yuck!
It is an atrocity that the beverage companies have come to the conclusion that women need to be entertained and made to feel sophisticated by their soda. Is this some feeble attempt to belittle us, to say that we are so simple that we look to our beverages to provide amusement in our lives?? And why is it that flavors prevail in the diet sodas? Do Coke and Pepsi think I'm fat? I am outraged and in a fury so passionate that I would write more if I weren't on the way out to get some Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi, humpf!
-NeighborGirl
Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Sodologist speaks yet again! Dr. NG, do you have any up and coming studies?
Perhaps, if you're a good boy, I'll share with you my Rootbeer Reviews.
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