This is a tough one, but everyone has a good cell phone story...talkin to that hot guy and suddenly the phone falls in the toilet, taking inappropriate pics and sending them to the wrong kat. You get the idea.
Go.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
The Absentee
Man, if it weren't for Tell The Truth Tuesdays, I wouldn't be blogging at all. I have a lot of things going on like school and some very odd personal issues I'm dealing with. Nothing major, but I've decided some of those are too personal to blog about at this time. I had some really cool things on tap for this blog, but it seems that some of my fellow bloggers are going thru the same Bloggers Block that I am. I've read some of my old shit to see where I fell off, but it seems like I've run out of things to blog about. So now I'm telling topics from other bloggers and the radio. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Here's something I came up with all by myself. Single women...how do you do it? How do you paint on that smile for a date that you know is probably just an excuse to get out of the house. How do you not break down and accept a suitor who is without question sub-par just to not deal with the bullshit of dating? Here's one for the fellas: Fellas, how/why in the hamsammich hell do you sit there and give a chic money and items JUST BECAUSE???? What type shit is that? Why?? And I know some of you do it sans booty. Amazing!
Kids sports today, how pathetic. We have kids who can't run around a damn track but will wreck yo ass in Playstation. I've made the decision to coach baseball, but NOT theOffSpring's team. I'm old school and I refuse to coach my son's team because I take it seriously and I know he's only doing it for fun. Football is his sport. He (not me) decided that he needs to step up and do more if he wants to play a featured position. In baseball, he could care less and I'm fine with that. We as parents do need to push our kids off of the couch, but also need to let kids participate in sports on a level of optimal comfort and performance. A level where they can push themselves and enjoy their OWN development.
I'm done. Thanks.
Here's something I came up with all by myself. Single women...how do you do it? How do you paint on that smile for a date that you know is probably just an excuse to get out of the house. How do you not break down and accept a suitor who is without question sub-par just to not deal with the bullshit of dating? Here's one for the fellas: Fellas, how/why in the hamsammich hell do you sit there and give a chic money and items JUST BECAUSE???? What type shit is that? Why?? And I know some of you do it sans booty. Amazing!
Kids sports today, how pathetic. We have kids who can't run around a damn track but will wreck yo ass in Playstation. I've made the decision to coach baseball, but NOT theOffSpring's team. I'm old school and I refuse to coach my son's team because I take it seriously and I know he's only doing it for fun. Football is his sport. He (not me) decided that he needs to step up and do more if he wants to play a featured position. In baseball, he could care less and I'm fine with that. We as parents do need to push our kids off of the couch, but also need to let kids participate in sports on a level of optimal comfort and performance. A level where they can push themselves and enjoy their OWN development.
I'm done. Thanks.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
TTTT: Flatulence
Since my time is shitty, give us your best fart story; one where either you were the farter or the victim of the fart. Go
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
A Letter From HEIDI?!?! I get siced!!!
First of all, I'm sorry all of you had such shitty Valentines' over the years. That has got to be our most pathetic TTTT ever. UGH.
But I have good news. No, I didn't save a lot of money on my car insurance, but I got this email tonight:
I can't wait to have my ears be made love too with some newness. Mmmmmm. Heidi, Heidi, Heidi.
But I have good news. No, I didn't save a lot of money on my car insurance, but I got this email tonight:
Heidi Martin Music"  Add to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert | |
| To: | brotherkojak@excite.com |
| Subject: | Heidi Martin Music |
| Date: | Thu, 16 Feb 2006 03:22:20 +0000 |
announcements will be going out soon on some upcoming events and
news!!!
thanks for your interest in my music! best, hHeidi Martin Music
� Pisces-Gemini Publishing Company, Ascap.
Web:
www.heidimartin.com
Email:
heidimartinmusic@hotmail.com
I can't wait to have my ears be made love too with some newness. Mmmmmm. Heidi, Heidi, Heidi.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
TTTT: Valentine's Day
Ahh Valentine's Day. Hallmark and FTD's annual bitch. The day where florists and card makers cash in like whoa. Give you best or worst (or both) Valentine's Day story.
Go.
Go.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Bricks For Brains
Thanks for all the great posts as usual on TTTT. Extremely entertaining although I wansn't really feeling the person attacks. You monkeys know who you are. **smile**
I don't know if I posted about this before but there is this security guard at work who is crazy dumb. I once spent 20 minutes of my valuable time trying to figure out make-money-fast certs, degrees for a woman who doesn't even know what she wants to do.
Today I saw DumDumStick on her way to work from the parking lot. She had her lunch with her, but uhhhhh...she had lunch in a ziplock bag. Not even in a paper bag or a plastic bag. Even more so than that, you know what DumDumStick had in her ziplock bag? A frozen Murray Steak House hamburger patty and some frozen french fries.
Yeah.
No bun
no catsup
no lettuce and tomato
just hamburger and fries consolidated in a big ass ziplock bag. Too bad, so sad.
Other "news" of the day, my co-worker G-Money has really got me stuck on old school Hip Hop because he and I talk to each other in Old Schoolese.
Me: What up G-Money? You jammin' on the one?
G-Money: No doubt. I got 6 CO's and 5 more to go
Me: Damn Son! Murder was the case that they gave you?
G-Money: 187 on an undercover cop.
That's just how we do. Its funny because well pass each other's cubes or will be at a client's desk and say
"I'm going back to Cali..."
"I don't think so."
I guess you have to be there. I ate lunch with Wisdom (my best friend from elementary school) today. We went to Legal Seafoods. If you ever go there I strongly recommend the soups over the entrees. He had the MD crab, I had the gumbo; both were BOMB DIGGITY...damn. See? I'm still doing it!
He and I caught up and talked about family and jobs. He and I seem to coincidentally make jobs moves simultaneaously. If the trend holds true, I'll be at my job no longer than 6 months. We shall see.
Oh yeah. Today I had a queer moment. When I first sat down with Wisdom, these 2 men were leaving the restaurant. The first man out the door struck me as odd. I didnt realize why at consciously, but subconsciously it was because his suit was really baggy. Not a big deal, but odd for a white man. So subsconsciously, I gave him the quick scan and E-gad!(that's the new way of spelling it) Dude's dizzat was almost down to his knee!! WTF?? I could not BELIEVE that shit. I would have stood up and given him a standing ovation, but he walked out too fast. Must be nice! if I was packing like that, I would linin' 'em up swinging it like a night stick.
That's all I got man! I'm out.
I don't know if I posted about this before but there is this security guard at work who is crazy dumb. I once spent 20 minutes of my valuable time trying to figure out make-money-fast certs, degrees for a woman who doesn't even know what she wants to do.
Today I saw DumDumStick on her way to work from the parking lot. She had her lunch with her, but uhhhhh...she had lunch in a ziplock bag. Not even in a paper bag or a plastic bag. Even more so than that, you know what DumDumStick had in her ziplock bag? A frozen Murray Steak House hamburger patty and some frozen french fries.
Yeah.
No bun
no catsup
no lettuce and tomato
just hamburger and fries consolidated in a big ass ziplock bag. Too bad, so sad.
Other "news" of the day, my co-worker G-Money has really got me stuck on old school Hip Hop because he and I talk to each other in Old Schoolese.
Me: What up G-Money? You jammin' on the one?
G-Money: No doubt. I got 6 CO's and 5 more to go
Me: Damn Son! Murder was the case that they gave you?
G-Money: 187 on an undercover cop.
That's just how we do. Its funny because well pass each other's cubes or will be at a client's desk and say
"I'm going back to Cali..."
"I don't think so."
I guess you have to be there. I ate lunch with Wisdom (my best friend from elementary school) today. We went to Legal Seafoods. If you ever go there I strongly recommend the soups over the entrees. He had the MD crab, I had the gumbo; both were BOMB DIGGITY...damn. See? I'm still doing it!
He and I caught up and talked about family and jobs. He and I seem to coincidentally make jobs moves simultaneaously. If the trend holds true, I'll be at my job no longer than 6 months. We shall see.
Oh yeah. Today I had a queer moment. When I first sat down with Wisdom, these 2 men were leaving the restaurant. The first man out the door struck me as odd. I didnt realize why at consciously, but subconsciously it was because his suit was really baggy. Not a big deal, but odd for a white man. So subsconsciously, I gave him the quick scan and E-gad!(that's the new way of spelling it) Dude's dizzat was almost down to his knee!! WTF?? I could not BELIEVE that shit. I would have stood up and given him a standing ovation, but he walked out too fast. Must be nice! if I was packing like that, I would linin' 'em up swinging it like a night stick.
That's all I got man! I'm out.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
TTTT: Stupid Ass People
It's that time again. Complete this sentence...."I hate when people say ___________"
Go.
Go.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Casino Rueda Salsa Superbowl Sensational Extravaganza (?!?!?)
That's right! It was actually real! The Casino Rueda Salsa Superbowl Sensational Extravaganza (CRSSSE) hosted by WebmasterMama and the BigO was on and The Offspring and me attended. For some reason or another, he was excited and his excitement deflated as soon as he arrived. Why? Don't know, and don't care. This was MY party to attend, I was just draggin' his monkey ass along. I have no idea why children think its our job to entertain them, but that's another blog topic.
First let me start with the neighborhood and house. I have nothing against the burbs, but it was obvious that this neighborhood was designed in a big-city waterfront office by teenie little guys in cat-shaped eyeglasses who drink Starbucks and give "This Side Up" gift certificates for Christmas. The houses were nice, they all looked different but not so different that they weren't considered a neighborhood. I guess they hit the urban neighborhood in the burbs theme so well that it looked artificial. Very "Desperate Housewives"-ish. Our hosts' house on the inside was great however. Large alcove, cathedral ceilings and a kitchen big enough to do the nasty in. A FEW times and a FEW different ways.
The evening began as we were among the earlier arrivers. Mama sent us down to the basement to play some pool while the Offspring was relegated to the kids room. Downstairs was a beautiful pool table with red felt. There were plenty of us down there to play pool, so we played on teams. My partner, Scarface, decided to partner with me to be iconoclastic because we were the only non-latino team. We also were the crappiest team too as neither one of us has much pool hall skills. It showed in the 1st 2 games as Scarface and I got housed. The 1st game we got 2 balls in the pockets, the 2nd game, 1. However, we represented and came back with the strength. We both had these odd cues that would illuminate when you tapped them on the floor. The illuminated part looked like lightening. That....coined my nickname for the night; La Tormenta. I announced it during the second game and the name stuck as I heard people in the background say "AH! La Tormenta! It's true!"
Food? Man! Plenty of food. You know how if you have a potluck and you ask people to bring something they either collectively bring nothing or everything. This party was the latter. 2 of everything.
Oh, the dancing. Yes. There was dancing as advertised. A little advanced for my skillset, but I danced a couple times. Actually, it was a lot advanced as most of the dancing was the multiple couple dance rueda. I can barely dance with one parner let alone switch to another in Spanish . I lucked out though; there was a dance instructor who was invited to the party and showed me how to do this niiice combo spin move. HOWEVER, when I wanted to practice this move later, my demonstrative partner says this (and I quote): "you don't know the moves good enough do it with the music". Ouch.
Highlights of the evening:
1.) incidental babysitting. It seems the hosts' littlest one loved me; particularly the dreds. The other little one thought I had funny faces and referred to the Offspring as "That Boy".
2.) meeting Dulcita. In my opinion, the eye-candy of the party (next to the hostess, of course) who had the oddest name. "Is that your real name?"
"Yes!"
Funny how she sat and watched "Lion King 1.5" with the Offspring while the odd name was all the convo I got outta her. SOMEBODY got pimp Juice early!
3.) Steeler Country. There were 2 teams that the hosts viewed as their own; the Lions and the Steelers. Needless to say, there was Steeler shit everywhere. Both WebmasterMama and BigO had the gear on AND had it for their kids. That was the toughest part of the night for a Purple and Blacker like myself. Drinks were flowing EARLY for the Big BK....UGH.
Oh, BTW....NFL In Review: The Fucken Pittsburgh Steelers. Super Bowl Champions.
First let me start with the neighborhood and house. I have nothing against the burbs, but it was obvious that this neighborhood was designed in a big-city waterfront office by teenie little guys in cat-shaped eyeglasses who drink Starbucks and give "This Side Up" gift certificates for Christmas. The houses were nice, they all looked different but not so different that they weren't considered a neighborhood. I guess they hit the urban neighborhood in the burbs theme so well that it looked artificial. Very "Desperate Housewives"-ish. Our hosts' house on the inside was great however. Large alcove, cathedral ceilings and a kitchen big enough to do the nasty in. A FEW times and a FEW different ways.
The evening began as we were among the earlier arrivers. Mama sent us down to the basement to play some pool while the Offspring was relegated to the kids room. Downstairs was a beautiful pool table with red felt. There were plenty of us down there to play pool, so we played on teams. My partner, Scarface, decided to partner with me to be iconoclastic because we were the only non-latino team. We also were the crappiest team too as neither one of us has much pool hall skills. It showed in the 1st 2 games as Scarface and I got housed. The 1st game we got 2 balls in the pockets, the 2nd game, 1. However, we represented and came back with the strength. We both had these odd cues that would illuminate when you tapped them on the floor. The illuminated part looked like lightening. That....coined my nickname for the night; La Tormenta. I announced it during the second game and the name stuck as I heard people in the background say "AH! La Tormenta! It's true!"
Food? Man! Plenty of food. You know how if you have a potluck and you ask people to bring something they either collectively bring nothing or everything. This party was the latter. 2 of everything.
Oh, the dancing. Yes. There was dancing as advertised. A little advanced for my skillset, but I danced a couple times. Actually, it was a lot advanced as most of the dancing was the multiple couple dance rueda. I can barely dance with one parner let alone switch to another in Spanish . I lucked out though; there was a dance instructor who was invited to the party and showed me how to do this niiice combo spin move. HOWEVER, when I wanted to practice this move later, my demonstrative partner says this (and I quote): "you don't know the moves good enough do it with the music". Ouch.
Highlights of the evening:
1.) incidental babysitting. It seems the hosts' littlest one loved me; particularly the dreds. The other little one thought I had funny faces and referred to the Offspring as "That Boy".
2.) meeting Dulcita. In my opinion, the eye-candy of the party (next to the hostess, of course) who had the oddest name. "Is that your real name?"
"Yes!"
Funny how she sat and watched "Lion King 1.5" with the Offspring while the odd name was all the convo I got outta her. SOMEBODY got pimp Juice early!
3.) Steeler Country. There were 2 teams that the hosts viewed as their own; the Lions and the Steelers. Needless to say, there was Steeler shit everywhere. Both WebmasterMama and BigO had the gear on AND had it for their kids. That was the toughest part of the night for a Purple and Blacker like myself. Drinks were flowing EARLY for the Big BK....UGH.
Oh, BTW....NFL In Review: The Fucken Pittsburgh Steelers. Super Bowl Champions.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Damn! I Been Tagged and Shit.
Prosine, when (if) I see you, your ass is MINE!! **rolling eyes**
1. What time did you get up today? Now that's a gay question. 7:30am
2. Pearls or Diamonds? Diamonds Neither. Diamonds are farmed on the backs of under-priveleged black folk. I could never be a proponate of something like that. And pearls are just slam ugly. Especially on a man. (Who wrote this shit??)
3. What was the last film you saw? Chronicles of Narija. (Hey. I got a kid. Shoot me)
4. What is your favorite TV show? Law & Order, hands down
5. What did you have for breakfast? raspberry yogurt, banana, and a granola bar
6. What is your middle name? Noneya, as in none ya damn business
7. What is your favorite cuisine? West Indian or Indian
8. What foods do you dislike? brussel sprouts and anything them mutha fuckers would have eaten in "Faces of Death"
9. What are your favorite chips? Salt and Vinegar
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? That's a good question. Don't have one, but I'm going to order a cd by Amp Fiddler called "Waltz of a Ghetto Fly". Tight.
11. What kind of car do you drive? 1997 Toyota Alvalon
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Checkers Double Chili Cheeseburger with onions. Mmmm
13. What characteristics do you despise in people? Fakers
14. Favorite item of clothing? One of my 7o's stretchy shirts
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? I would love to go to Brasil on New Years Eve.
16. What color is your bathroom? White
16. What color is your bathroom? White
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Ok, this is my gay answer for this: Kenneth Cole. If I weren't so damn big I would rock that clothing line most of the year.
18. Where would you retire to? Either Beliz or Aruba.
19. Favorite time of day? The time when I have 4 walls and a door, and a sexy, hot and ready woman between the sheets waiting for me...
20. What was your most memorable birthday? 21st B-day. My boys took me to the strip club for the first time. So began the madness of watching women be hot in da ass.....
21. Where were you born? Baltimore, MD
22. Favorite sports to watch? Football
23. The one you least expect to send this back to you? I don't tag...and I BETTER NOT get tagged again!
24. Who do you think will send it back first? N/A
25. Coke or Pepsi? Coke all day, son-SON!
26. Are you a morning person or night? Night
27. Do you have any pets? A dog and a cat. **yawn** Anybody else bored??
28. Any new and exciting news you want to share? I'm down to my last 2 classes in school.
29.What did you want to be when you were younger? I wanted to be a Major League Baseball Player and a zoologist in the off-season.
30. What should you be doing right now? Working, but I'm tired of the man tryin' to keep a brotha down, man!!
31. What are you currently reading? THe Feast of the Goat
32. Your favorite color? Blue
33. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Rocky Road
34. Red or white wine? White
35. Do you have any tattoos? No
36. What is your favorite flavor of cake? Again, chocolate all day.
Thank God THAT'S over. Coming up next week; Salsa Superbowl Party??? WTF??? I was invited to a Superbowl party that is going to be powered by latin music. Not really my flavor because I am all about the game. But I was told that the viewers of the game were serious. I'll keep y'all posted.
We are having a debate over here as to if Taye Diggs can beat my ass. Dude is 5' 7 at best, and a buck 80 wet. I'm 260, 5'11 and can probably bench close to 300lbs. Now you tell ME who gonna kick WHO'S ass????
Thank God THAT'S over. Coming up next week; Salsa Superbowl Party??? WTF??? I was invited to a Superbowl party that is going to be powered by latin music. Not really my flavor because I am all about the game. But I was told that the viewers of the game were serious. I'll keep y'all posted.
We are having a debate over here as to if Taye Diggs can beat my ass. Dude is 5' 7 at best, and a buck 80 wet. I'm 260, 5'11 and can probably bench close to 300lbs. Now you tell ME who gonna kick WHO'S ass????
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
