The REAL reason Brad and Jennifer broke up

The writer of one of my favorite blogs Zula, called me out without even knowing it. I'm the real reason Brad and Jennifer broke up; and imma tell you what happened.

(Written in ebonics, do NOT read literally)

I was chillin' at the lounge a few months ago deep in the heart of B-more. The place was packed with nothing but brothas and a few fine ass sistas....and the sole white chic.
Yeah. She was eye-balling a brotha like she was hongry and I was a ham sam'mich(Theme music, please). I quickly put her on ig because if she wanted some of THIS....she'd have to do it my way.
After a few minutes, here she come. Trying to look all sexy; wagging what was supposed to be her hips. She had her hair in a bun, a sleenky tank top, open toed heels, and some tight capri pants. The whole time she walked towards me, her eyes were in mine.

Lil' Freak: How you doing Kat Daddy? Can I get you a drink?

Brotha Kojak: You either blind or retarded cause I'm already drinkin'

Lil' Freak: What's up with you? Why you gotta be so mean?

Brotha Kojak: I ain't mean. I'm telling you like how it is. Now...what you claimin'?

Lil' Freak: Nothin'. I'm just trying to get with a sexy man like you.

Brotha Kojak: Shiiiiiiiiit! All these brothas in here and you come bring your narra ass over this way. You must got a hidden agenda.

Lil' Freak: My only agenda is that you the finest one in here and I'm trying to get to know you.

Brotha Kojak: Oh is that right?

Lil' Freak: Yeah, thats right.

Brotha Kojak: Aight, so what the deal is?

Lil' Freak: Huh? What you mean Kat Daddy?

Brotha Kojak: Look $%#*%, the name is Brotha Kojak (theme music, please)and you stuck on some ol' bullshit. Now, since you stuck on stupid, imma tell you the low-low. Keep your drink, keep your small talk, but imma tell you. If we ain't in 4 walls and a do' in 10 minutes, you can slide your narra ass right back over to the next kat 'cause I ain't the one. What you doing in here anyway?

Lil' Freak: My man ain't acting right. I caught him having phone sex with this bitch we both know and work with.

Brotha Kojak: dayum! that's hard core. So I guess you thinking "while the cat's away, the mice will play."
Lil' Freak: Something like that.

Brotha Kojak: Well I tell you what PussyCat, lets go to the crib so we can get horizontal and I can curl your little pink toes.

Lil' Freak: Ooooh! I like that! Damn you sexy!

Brotha Kojak: hehehehehe....no shit. Let's roll.

And that's what REALLY happened. We disappeared for a day or so and you know the rest. When Brad found out, he wasn't too happy and I told his ass if he ever comes round the way again, imma give him 12's in his crack. Hmph!