Dedicated to Tom Turkey and Dem

Tom got housed!!!! One day he’s in the yard, chilling with the other Turks, eatin’ good, fresh air, nice crib, clean water. Life is good, right?


Until that truck comes and scoops his ass and all the asses of his peeps up into a truck and Tom ended up on the dining room table featherless, headless, and the little pop-up thing they put in his chest so that the Thanksgiving novices know that his ass is done. I tell you what though; Tom was tender and juicy!


This was the first Thanksgiving without my wife and son. They had plans so I had to get some. Luckily, my homegirl (we will refer to her from here on out as WhatAboutMe) and our mutual friend (we will refer to her from here on out as Silly) invited me to tag along. I met everyone at Silly’s house where dinner was in the oven. Of course, I fussed. I’m a very fussing man. I would admit it if I was bitchy, but there is a difference. Fussy is entertaining and no one pays you any real attention. Bitchy is when fussy gets annoying.

Ok, so to distract myself I volunteered to go to the grocery store and Silly came along. We walk in of course, to the ridiculously long lines caused by the other procrastinators. So Silly’s idea was for me to stand in line while she gets the stuff. Kool. I stand there, and there are 2 20-Somethings at the checkout. 5 minutes later, Silly is back, and I’m still standing in the same spot.
“What’s going on?” Silly asks.
“I don’t know. These chics up here, man…”

At one point, the 2 girls stared at each other, the cashier; the cashier stared back, then at the man behind them…Finally, they walked out, but without groceries! Silly and I looked at each other. “Dayum!” she gasped. “I think I’ll hit the ATM so that doesn’t happen to us.”

When poor Tom was done we tore his ass up. I had all dark meat (of course) colored-people’s mac and cheese (folks, there is a difference. But that’s a whole blog in of itself), biscuits, and green beans. And to keep that warm fuzzy life-is beautiful vibe, we watched “Kill Bill”.

After “Kill Bill” we packed into the car and drove to HaventISeenYourPicOnTheInternet’s (HISYPOTI) parents’ house for round two. We get there and are seated at the table. Maybe it’s coincidental, but why was the colored-folks mac and cheese place RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY black ass???? Why not to anyone else around the table? Hmmmmm???